Tuesday, June 14, 2022

106 - George Washington visits Donald Trump

It was a bright magically sunny day out on the Mar-a-lago golf course. Donald Trump was driving the cart from the tee out to the muddy swamp where he had hit his ball. Senator Lindsey Graham had also hit his ball in this direction, a little less distastrously, though, landing it nicely on the fairway. So, of course Trump claimed Senator Graham's ball as his own and stopped the cart.

Something strange was happening though. The bright sun was turning bizarre colors. There were purples, blues, oranges swirling around Donald Trump. Suddenly he was by himself and Senator Graham was nowhere to be seen.

Trump shrugged and settled in behind Graham's ball. He practiced his swing a couple times, and prepared to hit.

Something stopped him.

"Hello Donald."

The voice came from some nearby trees. Trump looked up, puzzled, as George Washington stepped out from behind a tree and tipped his tri-cornered hat.

"Is it...is it you? George Washington?" Trump stammered.

"Yes," Washington answered.

"Wow! what an honor!" Trump was smiling broadly. Washington was not smiling. "You know," Trump continued, "most people don't know, you were a Republican. People don't know that."

"No," Washington corrected, "I was not a Republican. That was Lincoln. I was against any and all political parties. there were no Republicans when I was in office.

Trump blinked angrily. "Maybe you need to go back and check," he said. "It's just a fact that you were a Republican."

"I warned the other guys, you know, Jefferson, Madison, that whole crowd, against the whole idea of political parties. I knew nothing good would ever come from them."

"Actually..." the corners of Trump's mouth were twitching. "Actually, You're wrong," Trump said. "You were totally a Republican."

A stony silence passed between the two men. Eventually Washington cleared his throat and said, "You lost the 2020 election."

A rumble passed through Trump's body the way a ball of digestive gas rumbles through...well, through Trump's body.

"Hey, didn't you own slaves?" Trump shouted.

"I emancipated them all," Washington said defensively.

"Slave-ownin' George," Trump cackled. "You better not try to run again. When I put a label on someone it tends to stick. Just ask Lyin' Ted Cruz."

Washington cleared his throat again and straightened up. "You lost the election fair and square, and if you want to have any political legacy, you have to admit this and tell the truth."

"I always tell the truth," Trump said dismissively. "That's why my new social network is called Truth Social."

"Have you heard that little story about me?" Washington asked calmly. "It's about an apple tree. The punch line is, I cannot tell a lie."

"Oh, ha! you're lyin' about it now. Everyone lies. I know you made up that story. Maybe I'll switch to 'Lyin' George Washington.' Has a nice ring to it" Trump brought his attention back to the Lindsey Graham's golf ball, and tried a couple practice swings.

"That's Senator Graham's ball," Washington said, matter-of-factly.

"Graham's ball? What are you, blind? His ball is over there in the mud. Everyone saw him hit it there. What a loser!"

George Washington looked down solemnly. He shook his head. Slowly he turned back toward the tree he had stepped from behind. He walked toward it. He turned back to take one last look at Trump, just as Trump sliced the ball sideways into a lake. Trump laughed and returned to the cart, driving it straight toward the green, where he grabbed a ball from his bag and tossed it near the cup.

Washington disappeared behind the trees.

Donald Trump was never seen again. He didn't mind, He lived forever in a magical purple blue orange golf wonderland. He was happy.

And so was the rest of the world.

Peter Wick
June 14, 2022