In Baltimore, Maryland it is illegal to take a lion to the movies. This is a true thing.
This brings up the obvious question; who took a lion to the movies, and what did that lion do that made the city write a new law?
"Excuse me, sir, but your lion is eating the children."
"Oh, man, sorry. My bad."
"Yes, but what are you going to do about the children?"
"Um, well, uh, you can have one of mine."
A Minnesota law states that it is illegal to cross state lines with a duck on top of your head.
Hm, this one, if you ask me, is a prime example of legal over-reach. I mean, the lion at the movies, I get that, but what serious damage can a duck on top of your head do, other than a little damage to your reputation?
In Nevada, apparently, it is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
In Marion, Ohio, you cannot eat a donut and walk backwards on a city street.
In Myrtle Creek, Oregon, it is illegal for you to box with a kangaroo.
So, you know, do what I do, Anytime I want to box with a kangaroo I head up the freeway to the lawless town of Roseburg. Kangaroo boxing runs rampant in Roseburg. Have fun!
In Fountain Inn, South Carolina, there is a law still on the books from years ago, requiring horses to wear pants. At least I assume this law is from years ago. I could be wrong. Maybe this is a recent development. Maybe in the modern world of educated horses, they feel a need to get dressed.
In West Virginia, in the town of Wilbur, it is illegal to walk a lion, tiger, or leopard around town, even if they are on a leash. Wait a minute, let's go back to Baltimore, where you cannot bring a lion into a movie theater. Are you telling me it is NOT illegal, in Baltimore, to walk your lion around town on a leash? I mean...my lion likes movies, but at least in Baltimore I can take him for a walk on a leash.
Pack up, Simba. We're moving!
Peter Wick
February 15, 2024
