As I post this, my new book, my satirical SciFi, How To Confuse A.I. has become available for pre-order. It will be officially published and released to the public on Tuesday May 31, 2022. This excerpt comes about 20 pages in, as Adam Douglas settles into a calm evening at home with his simulated partner, Trilda. She is a part of the Simu-network, which - oh, screw it. At this point you have to read the whole book to get it. On with the sneak peek, which, yes, drops you right into the middle of a scene...
The the glass balcony door opened, and a small whisper-silent Antarctica drone entered, carrying a package that it placed on the middle of the table.
Adam held his fork in his mouth, motionless, looking at the drone.
"Enjoy!" the drone said in a light perky voice, before flying back out the balcony door. The door quietly slid closed on its own.
Adam slowly removed the fork from his mouth. He chewed suspiciously.
"What's this?" Adam asked.
"Let's open it and see," Trilda said, clasping her hands together in anticipation.
"I didn't order anything."
"Open it."
Adam set his ffork down on his plate, still chewing his last bite of pasta.
He reached for the box and pulled it toward him. It was a very familiar box, the Antarctica logo on the side, the smiles around the edges.
He looked at the address. It was definitely addressed to him, Adam Douglas.
Adam was suspicious. Why would a delivery come when he had not ordered anything?
"Open it," Trilda chirped happily.
Adam reluctantly reached for a table knife and began to cut the tape.
He lifted the flap of the box and recognized some sort of clothing item.
He cut the tape down the side and opened the other flap.
As he pulled the green clothing item out of the box, he twisted his face sideways. It appeared to be a dog sweater.
He looked back inside the box and saw four small white dog booties, shaped perfectly for a small puppy's feet.
"What the-" Adam shook his head in confusion. "This is obviously a msitake."
He looked at Trilda, who was smiling an odd happy smile.
Adam raised his hands in confusion. "I mean, did you order this?"
"No," she said calmly. "It's probably based on your interestes."
"My interests..." Adam looked at her sideways. "I...we...there's no dog. We don't have a dog."
Trilda just smiled back.
Adam held the sweater in one hand and scooped up two of the booties in the other. He was perplexed, and Trilda wasn't helping.
He dropped the booties and the sweater back into the box with a shake off his head and sat sideways in the chair.
He lifted his eyes to his left and brought up the Antarctica hologram. He scrolled through the list of contact info and tapped a line on the hologram.
Jarvis appeared immediately.
"Hi, I'm Jarvis," Jarvis said pleasantly. "Thanks for contacting Antarctia. It will be my pleasure to help you today."
Adam turned once again and lifted the sweater from the box.
"This - this dog sweater was just delivered to me," he said, agitation creepiing into his voice. "I didn't order it."
"Cute!" Jarvis gushed.
Adam looked at Jarvis blankly. "I didn't order it," he repeated.
Jarvis smiled warmly. "Thanks for letting us know of your concern," he said. "We at Antarctica are obsessed with our customers' satisfaction. No, seriously, we're obsessed with it. It's the only thing we ever think about." He paused, then said, "If you will kindly give me a moment to look up your case."
Jarvis looked off beyond Adam. He was silent for a moment. He nodded happily and looked back at Adam.
"Good news!" Jarvis exclaimed. "It was seventy-five percent off!"
That's all. The book awaits...
PeterWick
May 15. 2022
