The Trump University Course Catalog
(A lot has been made of the
fraudulent Real Estate University named after Mr. Trump. Few are aware, though,
that for a short time it was intended to be a full academic institution.)
Trump
University is dedicated to bringing awesomeness to anyone who doesn’t want to
be a loser, and then sending them out into the world to make the world less
stupid!
ACADEMIC DEPARTMENTS:
Department of Winning So Good in
Business:
Hi, I’m Donald Trump, and I’m such
an amazing business man. I’m so incredible. I might be the most amazing
business man who ever lived. You’ll never be as great as me, but if you sign up
for my business classes, you might at least get a chance to meet me and marvel
at my charisma.
COURSES:
-The Art of
The Swindle
In this course we will take a closer
look at the mysterious workings of the swindle; how to swindle someone without
them knowing it; swindling your closest friends and family; and of course how
to get swindled by me personally, and LIKE IT.
-How to Make
Money by Going Bankrupt
Many people mistakenly feel that
bankruptcy is a bad thing. This course will explain how you can use bankruptcy
to your advantage, and actually make money in the process, while leaving some
other poor loser holding the bag.
Department of Psychology:
At Trump University’s Department of
Psychology, we basically point out how all this mumbo jumbo about mental health
came from a bunch of weak cry babies who never learned to just suck it up
COURSES:
-The
workings of the MIND….and why yours doesn’t
In this course we examine Mr.
Trump’s mind, and discover why everyone should think the way he does, because,
you know, he just tells it the way it is.
-Sucking it
up 101
All this nonsense we’ve been hearing
about ‘feelings’ comes from a lot of whiney liberal nerds. End of story.
Department of Journalism:
Just kidding. Journalism is for
sleazy sleaze balls.
Department of Science:
At
Trump U. we have searched the world and hired only those Science
Professors who are sensible enough to realize that Planet Earth is going to be
just fine. There is no global warming. There’s no drought. The damn Environmentalists
are alarmist crybabies. Animals are smelly pests who need to be eaten as fast
as possible. Whenever you hear some so-called “Scientist” claim that things are
going bad, just punch him the nose and give him a wedgey. If that doesn’t shut
him up, steal his girlfriend, and push him back down to the ground. Just
kidding, he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and he never got up off the ground after
the first time you knocked him down.
Welcome!
You will always be happy you spent
your hard-earned, easily lost money at Trump University. You will come away
with a Major in Greatness, and a minor in irresistible sexiness. The entire
world will be jealous of you. Seriously. All those people who criticize you are
just jealous whiners. Screw them!
Peter Wick
July 15,
2016
