NOTE: In case you are reading this in the not too distant future, this is based on a real life true story from 2025, when President Donald Trump threatened world-wide tariffs on all countries in the world, including The Macdonald Islands, which are populated only by penguins. This actually happened (well, the world-wide tariffs actually happened - this story is based on the best information available to us at the time).
Rufus, the head penguin, sat calmly at the top of the ice hill, watching the kid penguins slide down the hill into the water.
It was all laughter and fun.
Stan and Marie were smiling as they made their way up the hill with a bounty of freshly caught fish.
"Dinner!" Marie shouted as the kids gathered themselves and shook the ocean water out of their feathers.
"What's that? "Rufus asked.
Everyone turned to see what he was looking at.
"Ship," Stan answered.
"Ah, yes," said Rufus, "a ship. It's been a while."
Everyone, including the kids, gathered together at the top of the hill and watched as the ship came closer.
"Here," Marie said to the kids. "Eat." She handed each kid a fish and they ate, smiling, anticipating something new and exciting, as the ship approached.
The ship stopped. Everyone marveled at the U.S. flag waving from the mast. A crane cranked into gear. With a noise that bothered the penguin's ears, the crane slowly lifted a car - a Tesla - from its deck and maneuvered it into the air and out over the ice. It slowly lowered the car onto the ice.
The ship's Captain, 'Cap' Marco, as he was known, appeared on the deck. He motioned to his crew and a ramp extended out from the ship onto the ice, not far from where the penguins sat. Cap Marco walked toward Rufus, recognizing him as the leader. Cap Marco had studied Penguinese. He spoke it fluently.
"Good afternoon," Cap Marco said in Penguinese.
"Good afternoon," Rufus said. "What is that thing over there?"
"That's a car," Cap Marco replied, smiling broadly. "You drive it. Want to go for a spin?"
"Well, I don't know what 'a spin' is, but...sure," shrugged Rufus.
Rufus followed Cap Marco down the hill toward the Tesla, and nodded as the Cap offered him the passenger seat.
"This here is the most advanced, smartest EV on the market," the Cap said, as the engine whispered to attention. Cap Marco eased the car forward. He let out the brake, at which point the Tesla slid sideways on the ice, lost all traction, and slid backwards down the ice hill, and into the ocean.
The other penguins gasped in horror. The doors quickly opened and Cap Marco and Rufus were soon bobbing safely in the water, as the car bubbled, burbled, and then sank to the bottom of the ocean.
Fortunately the Captain and Rufus managed a foothold to climb back up onto the ice. Everyone looked at the circle in the water left by the sinking Tesla.
After everyone took a moment to catch their breath, Cap Marco turned to Rufus.
"You penguins, here, are not buying any of our beautiful American products," the Cap said. "You've been ripping us off."
"How so?" Rufus asked innocently.
"Well,...you just are. Like I said, you're not buying any American products."
"What are products?" Rufus asked. "And what is buying?"
"I think you know full well what we're talking about here," Cap Marco said, a tone of sternness creeping into his voice. "Tariffs are set at one hundred percent until further notice."
"What is a tariff?" Rufus asked.
"Look, you can play this dumb game if you want, but we have many beautiful products you can buy. We just want fairness in our trade deals."
"What are trade deals?" Rufus asked.
"We have clothes, cars, computers."
"What are clothes?" asked Rufus?
"The boundaries are set," Cap Marco said firmly. "President Trump is expecting a phone call. If you're smart, you'll pick up the phone and call."
"What is phone?" Rufus asked.
"My job here is done. I think you know the stakes now." Cap Marco nodded to Rufus, then turned to the rest of the gathered penguins and nodded his head at them. "Good day to you all," he said.
Cap Marco walked back down the ramp and onto the deck of the ship. The ramp pulled back and the ship slowly turned away from the island and sailed away.
"That was weird," Marie said.
"Sure as heck was," said Stan. "And what was with sinking that big metal thing in the ocean?"
"Humans!" Rufus said, shaking his head. "I've heard about them before. Crazy bizarre creatures."
"Anyhoo!" shouted Marie. "Dinner! come on everyone! eat up!"
Peter Wick
April 14, 2025
