Note (P.W.): When I opened my 2022 book, How To Confuse AI, with Tyerll Elon Zuzerzos celebrating (ironically, satirically, sarcastically) the 5-year anniversary of buying the United States of America (the book is set in the future - in 2075, so he 'bought' the country in 2070) I considered it a joke, a satire. You can check out some of my other posts and videos if you need insight into WHO Tyrell Elon Zuzerzos is, but I don't think you have to dig TOO deep to figure it out. He's not just one person. He is a combination of a few people, plus the fictional character Tyrell from the movie Blade Runner (he created the 'replicants' - the simulated humans). It feels appropriate, in the zeitgeist of the moment, to revisit this character and the 'joke' idea of 'buying' the USA. If you're reading this in the future, please look back at the month of February, 2025 for a little reference point for the moment we are living in. In short, I am scared, terrified, that my 'joke' will prove to be too accurate a prediction.
TYRELL ELON ZUZERZOS BUYS THE UNITED STATES
-A prequel story
Tyrell Elon Zuzerzos strode purposefully down the Capitol building hallway. "Senator Cavanaugh!" he said, catching the senator off guard.
"Ah, Tyrell," the senator responded, hiding his annoyance.
"When is the committee considering my offer? We have no time to lose."
"We'll vote this afternoon, 2 o'clock," Senator Cavanaugh replied.
"I want to come."
"Tyrell, it's a closed door meeting."
"I'll be there. I'll bring donuts." Zuzerzos smiled at the senator and patted his cheek condescendingly.
That afternoon at precisely 2pm, Zuzerzos burst through the committee room door, carrying a deluxe box of Krispy Kreme, and smiled broadly at the collection of Senators.
"For your pleasure and enjoyment!" Zuzerzos proclaimed, setting the box of donuts on the table.
"Mr. Zuzerzos," Chairman Voglezang snorted. "This is a closed door meeting. Outsiders are not allowed."
"I'm no longer an outsider, Senator! I'm in charge! Have a donut, compliments of your new owner."
"But - "
"Senators!" Zuzerzos projected warmly, "I am the best friend you'll ever have. I am buying the country! All of its debt! You're welcome! It's the only solution," he continued. "I am the only person who can do this."
"But here in America we vote for these things. It's our job - "
"This is too important for a vote. Gentlemen - and ladies," he offered, as an aside, to the three female senators, "this is too important for your small brains. My brain is the only one equipped to handle such a momentous decision. It's for your best. You have to trust me on this. And when I say you have to trust me, I mean it literally. You have no choice. I'll let you all keep your jobs for now, but that could change. check your emails for middle-of-the-night firings!"
"Mr. Zuzerzos!"
Senator Baker, from Wisconsin, stood abruptly and stared the trillionaire down. "We are the elected officials of the United States. You will not purchase our country until we have voted on it!"
"Too late," Zuzerzos laughed. "Check the central bank. Wire transfer just went through. Congratulations, employees! The USA is OUT OF DEBT! Now, have a donut. Come on. Let's celebrate. It's for the best. Trust me. No one else knows as much as me. Eat up!"
Zuzerzos clicked his thumb an forefinger, and the door opened, as five overly happy assistants entered, unfurling a banner that read, "SAVING HUMANITY (whether they like or not)."
[Enjoy the free audiobook...]
Peter Wick
February 14, 2025
