(NOTE: this is another blast-from-the-past post I did one earlier this year, something from years ago, that I thought could survive seeing the light of day now. this was actually printed in my college paper back in the 80s (this should explain the reference to people asking me about 'this quarter'). Then, after being printed in the college paper, it made its way into a little collection titled, ALL MESSED UP - And No Place to Go, published (maybe 100 copies or so) by my friend Smitty's Box Dog Press, in 1986. A copy of this little thing - which will stay out of print - is archived at the Seattle Public Library, downtown Seattle branch, along with most (not all) issues of Feminist Baseball Magazine. Here's a picture I took of the little book encased in protective archive plastic, the last time I visited:
A number of people have come up to me since the beginning of the quarter and asked, "Do you know what such and such a word means?"
While I can understand their confusion over certain large words in the college texts, I find it difficult to answer this question in any way other than to say, "What do you mean by 'such and such a word'? Be more specific." Then I slap them around the room hoping to knock some sense into them.
After several weeks of this I was finally inspired to plunge into the field of academic words and give what help I could to those in the dark.
By "Academic words" I refer to words found in college classes, but found nowhere else in the world.
Keep in mind that some of these words I could not find in the dictionary. In point of fact, I only found one listed there, and in an effort to remain consistent, I disagreed with the dictionary over its meaning. And with that, let us begin.
NEMERTINEA (nem-er-tin-ee-u) noun. 1) The name of the third ship in Columbus' fleet.
Historical development: It followed Columbus home one day and his wife let him keep it, on the condition that he hide it in the garage and resist the temptation to lug it into the living room whenever friends came over.
Suggested conversational use: The Nemertinea has sunk.
NOTE: Do not use it in this way unless it is true. If the Nemertinea has not sunk, talk about basketball instead.
IPRONIAZID (I-pro-nee-aht-zid) Adjective 1) Very small 2) Greek for nazi sympathizer.
Historial development: During World War Two many Greeks could not pronounce 'Nazi' and more often than not it came out 'niazid.'
NOTE: There is a growing school of thought that maintains that rather than 'sympathizer' it really means 'Nazi Synthesizer,' and refers instead to early experiments in electronic sound torture, later perfected by 1980s music.
Suggested conversational use: It is important that you never ever use this word in conversation! Just trust me on this.
OLIGODENDROCITIES (shoe) adverb 1) A statement about a person's manners. 2) Infatuation with feet. 3) Getting hit in the nose
Historical development: Galileo discovered it one day in his microscope and knocked it silly for having snuck into his favorite and most expensive microscope.
Suggested conversational use: I am guilty of oligodendrocities
NOTE: In most cases it is probably best to simply use another word, such as 'perspiration,' or 'over-eating.' If you do, however, insist on using it in this way, you had better expect to be ostracized.
GLIA (glee-u) verb. 1). The act of gliing. 2). To gli.
Historical development: It originally wanted to be the word 'glitter,' but it was roller skating in the castle one day, so the King struck it with his scepter, injuring it terribly, and leaving it to go through life as a cripple.
Suggested conversational use: Must you always glia when I'm trying to read the paper?
HYPOTHALAMUS (og-lee-bor-shnick) noun. 1). Ancient ancestor to the modern day hippopatamus 2). A tennis ball without air.
Historical development: Fossils of the root 'thal' have been dated back to 3,000,000 B.C,, but being that the bones are mangled terribly, scientists speculate that 'Thal' was a jerk and disliked by everyone except a weird guy named Gark. Gark had three legs and no head.
Suggested conversational use: I can't eat that. I've got hypothalamus.
We have only scratched the surface with these five words, but the surface needed scratching, so that's okay. It feels much better now, and should be up and about in a few days.
An in-depth study of academic words would take considerably longer than we have time for.
I trust you have been taking notes, because we have a test on Monday, and anyone who fails it will be ipsalateral for the rest of the week.
Peter Wick
October 15, 2025
