tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83044926447374632692024-03-14T18:48:14.306-07:00Simple DispleasuresPeter Wick's blog SIMPLE DISPLEASURES will appear the 15th of each month, except August and December.Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comBlogger123125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-73065759390636469202024-03-14T18:47:00.000-07:002024-03-14T18:47:41.377-07:00123 - Driving (as a job)<p> <span style="font-size: medium;">I don't know how Uber got my email address. I don't know why they thought I should be an Uber Driver. I appreciate the thought, I guess.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I've known a couple people who have driven for Uber, so I don't want to sound too annoyed. I don't actually need income from driving, but, Uber, you're missing the main point:</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I must NEVER have driving as a job, ever again.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I did it back in the late 1990s. For six months I was a delivery driver for Pagliacci Pizza in Seattle. It did not end well.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">For six months I drove around Seattle's University District, rolling through stop signs, parking illegally, making questionable decisions behind the wheel - usually for the sake of TIME, you know, since I had to get back to the restaurant to get the next delivery.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Slowly, steadily, through the course of these six months, my previously perfect driving record began to take a hit. One ticket after another slowly began to accumulate. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">A single ticket for rolling through a stop sign might feel like a simple annoyance. Five tickets for rolling through stop signs is an alarm bell!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Driving too fast in a school zone...</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I don't even remember every ticket. There were a lot of them.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Then there was the one that landed me in court...</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">It was a Saturday afternoon around 4:30pm. A football game had just ended. The University of Washington Huskies had won, and the traffic jam around Husky Stadium was intense.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I had just delivered a pizza, and needed to get back to the restaurant quickly, because the other driver scheduled at the time had called out sick. I was the only one. My mind was racing with illegal plans to get out of football traffic and back to the restaurant.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Unfortunately for me, Police officers were directing traffic at every important intersection. I wanted to turn left at 50th Street. An officer was in the middle of the intersection directing everyone to continue north. No turns were allowed. I was desperate, so I went north through the intersection as he wanted me to, but then I swung left into a gas station, and tried to get onto 50th that way. The next thing I knew, the officer was running toward me with what appeared to be steam coming out of his ears.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I hit reverse and began to back up, realized I probably shouldn't, stopped the car, got out, and prepared myself for another ticket.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">He dropped 'Refusal to Obey an Officer' on me. A criminal misdemeanor.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Let me just say at this point that I do not have any criminal record. I am as clean as could be. This would have been the only thing.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I was scheduled for a court date. After bluffing my way into stating that I would represent myself at trial, the Prosecutor came back three weeks later with an offer to drop it to just an expensive traffic ticket. He offered to let the misdemeanor go away. I agreed. I have since bragged that I successfully represented myself in court. The truth is that the prosecutor just had too many serious cases to deal with, and did not have time for mine.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Then... six months into the job, after all the tickets, after the court case, after everything else that already suggested that I should not have driving as a job, came...the BIG FINISH!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">It was one of those dark, drizzly December nights that make Seattle a slightly treacherous place to drive, especially, if your car has questionable de-fogging and the windows are covered with steam.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I was slowly trying to turn left from 42nd onto Roosevelt, I say 'slowly' because I could barely see through my windshield. I figured if I went slowly enough I wouldn't hit anything. Then I suddenly realized that there was a college-age girl dressed all in black on the crosswalk right in front of me.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Well, when I say, 'in front of me,' what I really mean is that...uh...she...uh...was bouncing off the front of my car.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Yes...I hit a girl with my car (going only 2 miles an hour).</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I pulled to the curb immediately, ran to her, where she sat on the pavement, getting rained on and holding her knee. Another man helped me stand her up. she limped a little. We got her out of the rain and into a small hotel lobby on the corner.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Police came.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I took the blame. I admitted it was my fault.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Fortunately the girl was not seriously hurt. I had to set her up with my insurance, which ended up covering some small amount of physical therapy she had to do for her minor leg injury. We had to call each other as the therapy and my insurance were worked out. We talked on the phone several times over the next few weeks.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Weirdly, we started getting along pretty well over the phone.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">We were getting along well enough that I started thinking to myself, "Hey, this isn't a bad way to meet a girl...hit her with your car."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Anyway...I stopped driving. The management of the restaurant pulled me into the office the next day and said, "Peter, we think you should move into the kitchen and be a cook."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I stayed at Pagliacci as a cook for several more years.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I have done a lot of driving since then. I've driven the north-south length of America's west coast - Seattle to L.A. and back - so many times I can't even count them. But I have never again driven as a job.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And I never will.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I think there is some official list somewhere that includes me among people who are banned from driving jobs.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So, sorry Uber, but I have to serve the safety of the public.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">You're welcome, world...</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">March 14, 2024</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-2251161031436626922024-02-15T07:39:00.000-08:002024-02-15T07:39:23.494-08:00122 - It's The Law<p><span style="font-size: medium;"> In Baltimore, Maryland it is illegal to take a lion to the movies. This is a true thing.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This brings up the obvious question; who took a lion to the movies, and what did that lion do that made the city write a new law?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Excuse me, sir, but your lion is eating the children."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Oh, man, sorry. My bad."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Yes, but what are you going to do about the children?"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Um, well, uh, you can have one of mine."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">A Minnesota law states that it is illegal to cross state lines with a duck on top of your head.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Hm, this one, if you ask me, is a prime example of legal over-reach. I mean, the lion at the movies, I get that, but what serious damage can a duck on top of your head do, other than a little damage to your reputation?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">In Nevada, apparently, it is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">In Marion, Ohio, you cannot eat a donut and walk backwards on a city street.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">In Myrtle Creek, Oregon, it is illegal for you to box with a kangaroo.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So, you know, do what I do, Anytime I want to box with a kangaroo I head up the freeway to the lawless town of Roseburg. Kangaroo boxing runs rampant in Roseburg. Have fun!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">In Fountain Inn, South Carolina, there is a law still on the books from years ago, requiring horses to wear pants. At least I assume this law is from years ago. I could be wrong. Maybe this is a recent development. Maybe in the modern world of educated horses, they feel a need to get dressed.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">In West Virginia, in the town of Wilbur, it is illegal to walk a lion, tiger, or leopard around town, even if they are on a leash. Wait a minute, let's go back to Baltimore, where you cannot bring a lion into a movie theater. Are you telling me it is NOT illegal, in Baltimore, to walk your lion around town on a leash? I mean...my lion likes movies, but at least in Baltimore I can take him for a walk on a leash.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Pack up, Simba. We're moving!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">February 15, 2024</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-11201986775232008502024-01-13T11:11:00.000-08:002024-01-13T16:31:54.378-08:00121 - The Pigeon In The Fountain Bed<p> If you had told me, back in the day, when I was a teenager, that decades later we would be talking about The Pigeon In The Fountainbed, not only would I have told you you were crazy, I might have even been a little bit horrified.</p><p>There are few different ways I could tell this story. Let's start sometime in mid 2022, when I listened to my old friend Mark Arm on Marc Maron's WTF podcast. He spent an hour answering questions about the history of 'Grunge' music. He talked about his memories of Kurt Cobain and some of the shows he and the band Mudhoney spent on the road with Nirvana. He talked about his good friends in Pearl Jam and how they navigated the craziness of sudden fame so much better than Nirvana did (there are several videos on youtube if you want to see Mark performing as a guest with Pearl Jam - they're fun to watch!). Then, toward the end of the podcast, they went back to the beginning. Mark began talking about the teenage years, a decade before the Grunge explosion. They talked about Mark's first band, Mr. Epp and The Calculations (named for a high school math teacher). This is when Mark talked briefly about...well...about me.</p><p>"Peter," he said, "quit the band to be a writer."</p><p>He has mentioned this a few other times in interviews, and I always respond with a mix of pride, laughter, and yes, a tiny bit of embarrassment.</p><p>I've actually talked to Mark about this a little bit, and all these years later, he still thinks it was a strange moment; a rag tag band, who could barely even play instruments at the time, losing a member because I thought they would become famous, and this wasn't the kind of fame I wanted.</p><p>It might seem strange, but a decade later, when Seattle and Grunge were suddenly rewriting the history of music, I felt a little bit vindicated.</p><p>I grew up in a very musical household. My dad - who had once been a jazz saxophone guy before he ever met my mom (something he almost refused to talk about when we were growing up) taught saxophone and clarinet to high school band students. My mom taught piano lessons. I got a few occasional piano lessons from her, but never on a consistent enough basis (I was never a paying student, and often dropped down the list of her teaching priorities) to ever become any good.</p><p>But as a creative teenager who was drawn to writers, comedians and filmmakers, as well as ground-breaking musicians, it was a natural for me to fall in with this wild group of creative teenagers who, among other creative projects, wanted to buy cheap instruments and try playing punk rock.</p><p>There was a 'real' drummer in the group, and it was the real drummer's bedroom that became our practice space. The 'real' drummer, though, didn't want to be in the band at first, basically because he was really good, and the rest of us, well, weren't. So for a while I was the drummer, but not for the first thing we actually recorded. The first thing we actually recorded was a noisy, experimental improvised jam session, with me on vocals reading a short story I had written. This was The Pigeon in the Fountainbed.</p><p>We did it because a local radio station promised to play something from every tape submitted by a local band.</p><p>So we sent Pigeon to the radio station, where the DJ introduced the song by calling us, "The worst band in the world" (you can also read this little bit of history on Mark Arm's Wikipedia page).</p><p>After Pigeon had it's moment, everyone sort of moved on. The band got more focused on being a punk band. I played drums until I quit 'to be a writer.' The 'real' drummer eventually joined. Bands split up and formed new bands. Mark and Steve Turner (who was in Epp for its final year in 1984) formed Green River, which (this is way over-simplifying) eventually split up into the two bands, Mudhoney and Pearl Jam.</p><p>I never heard The Pigeon in the Fountainbed again for decades. I actually thought it had been lost. I didn't even have any record of the written short story (which I thought was ok, since it was pretentious and over-written, in that way teenagers are prone to over-do things).</p><p>Then it turns out, this past year, Smitty (original Epp co-founder) was collaborating with a production company working on a Grunge documentary for Showtime (this documentary is currently on hold due to Hollywood company mergers). Smitty had sent them the original Pigeon cassette tape, which apparently was still listenable, and they transferred it to a digital version. I was also in touch with someone involved in this documentary, and through this connection, we have been able to listen to The Pigeon in the Fountainbed for the first time in decades.</p><p>It seems strange to say it, but I kind of like it.</p><p>Maybe I'm a little bit biased. It's not really punk. It's more like a weird experimental alternative kind of thing.</p><p>So...SOMEDAY....someday, we will release this old thing out to the world.</p><p>Someday...stay tuned.</p><p>Peter Wick</p><p>January 13, 2024</p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-51942252172227210882023-11-14T19:23:00.000-08:002023-11-15T07:24:39.517-08:00120 - All The Important News<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The Coast Guard arrested Reza Baluchi, in Florida, recently, for using a giant hamster wheel to try to cross the Atlantic Ocean.</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjo8DXFlw5c_LoYhPSzops0GEQv6j-jom1stI-F_Ou42kKQZ-cxue6iXd0COQVzC97zxF5V-B1SvKyR8fIKfdecRds-ToWQ_NWZVSbgMLPM7apIGVyPxNa_fF4VTw9e3BffQGMGo5iQzWlgwzsDn-Vb_smh0PVVMDywPKzRCF7EYp2Lx_Y2wAz9YC4ovpnm" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjo8DXFlw5c_LoYhPSzops0GEQv6j-jom1stI-F_Ou42kKQZ-cxue6iXd0COQVzC97zxF5V-B1SvKyR8fIKfdecRds-ToWQ_NWZVSbgMLPM7apIGVyPxNa_fF4VTw9e3BffQGMGo5iQzWlgwzsDn-Vb_smh0PVVMDywPKzRCF7EYp2Lx_Y2wAz9YC4ovpnm" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;">I think I'm allowed to use this picture, maybe if I credit it to Flagler County, Florida Sheriff's Office.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This is exactly the news I needed to hear. With multiple wars going on in the world, politics sinking into new realms of dysfunction, Climate teetering on the brink of disaster, I needed something to remind me of the basic ingenuity of the human species. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Someone - who knows why? - invented a giant hamster wheel and tried to cross the Atlantic Ocean in it. Inside, you know, running like a hamster to make it go. And he was arrested because it ran afoul of Coast Guard sea-faring regulations. Amazing! I couldn't be happier.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">My faith in the absurdity of human life has been restored. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Just when I was worried that our human ridiculousness had taken things too far, along comes a story reminding us all that we humans are, not just smart, but smart in completely absurd and useless ways.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Thank you Reza.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm book-marking several news outlets now, not for the imprtant news, but for their odd, weird and absurd news.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Anyone interested in the 'aliens' exhibited to Mexican politicians? No? How about, "Charity shop asks people not to donate sex toys"?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Spanish Duke told he has to shorten his daughter's 25-word long name." Anyone?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Bear steals food delivery from doorstep." I like that one. Bears deserve some credit. Nothing could make a bear happier than to find some fresh Pizza Hut sitting out in the open.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The world might not go to hell this week after all. I mean...it MIGHT, but at least I'll find something to smile and laugh about on our way down.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">November 14, 2023</span></p><p><br /></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-89275976804150593402023-10-14T09:38:00.004-07:002023-10-14T11:18:33.218-07:00119 - Biden's Dog<p><span style="font-size: medium;"> My name is Commander.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I am a GOOD BOY!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I know I'm a good boy, because Dad told me. Dad is the President of the United States, Joe Biden. He told me I'm a good boy, so that's how I know I'm a good boy.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">My job is to bite bad people.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Like that guy who I bit who was wearing the thing in his ear. He was talking into some kind of thing in his hand. He didn't seem good to me, so I bit him.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Some people acted mad, saying "No!" and yellling at me.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Then Dad pet the top of my head real good and said, "No more biting! No more biting," which I think means that I am supposed to do more biting, so I went out and bit another guy.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I love biting people!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This time it was that guy named Kevin McCarthy. He came over to the house and was talking with Dad all about letting the government shut down.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So I bit him.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Then everyone was saying, "No more biting! No more biting!" again.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So went out to find the next bad person to bite.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I like my job. It's a good job. Some people just don't seem right, you know, so they need to be bitten.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">One time we were out in the back yard of the house, and some guy who spoke funny was talking to Dad. I heard someone say something about this guy being the head of some other country, whatever a country is.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">He had this really funny way of talking. It sounded weird to me. I didn't recognize any of the words he said. there was no 'good boy,' or 'what a good dog,' or anything else that I know.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So I bit him.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Again, lots of people started talking real loud, A lot of commotion. Then Dad pet my head real real good, and said, "No more biting! No more biting!"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So I went out to do more biting.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">What a job! To do something you love means you never have to 'work.'</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I love biting people. It gives me a sense of purpose in life.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And I always get a treat! </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">What a life!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So, now I guess I have been transfered. I don't live at the big house anymore. I'm at a smaller house and only see Dad a few times a month. But when I see him he still pets my head real good and tells me I'm a good boy. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So, I know I'm doing a good job.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So, watch out. Don't be one of those people who seems bad, Don't be like that guy who gets on TV and says Dad does things wrong. I really need to find that guy. I really need to get inside the TV and bite that guy.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I have a job to do.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">October 14, 2023</span></p><p><br /></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-68167970905246233432023-09-14T20:10:00.000-07:002023-09-14T20:10:05.591-07:00118 - Sneak Peek "Death And Saxophones"<p>Sometime early next year, 2024, I'll have a book published that is mostly a collection of short things. It's the second such book. 2017's "Funny Sexy Nanobots" was the first. It is NOT one of my most successful books.. I've had successful books, so I can feel humble and comfortable admitting this. "Funny Sexy" (as I think of that book privately) has not exactly been a best seller.</p><p>It's a book close my heart, though. It collects many pieces from the first five years of this blog and mixes them in with earlier short things I wrote, and then finishes up with a story called, "The Salvador Deli." No one reviewed the book, although my friend and sometimes co-worker Ross Denyer told me in no uncertain terms that "The Salvador Deli" was "Fantastic," and talked about turning it into a movie for a while ('for a while' meaning that he stopped talking about it when he realized I wasn't going to help him turn it into a movie, because I had other things I was more intent on doing at the time).</p><p>So here comes Simple Displeasures collection #2; Death And Saxophones. It collects the years of this blog (minus these 'sneak peeks') since Funny Sexy, and includes another old thing I wrote, this time a comedy screenplay I did back in my twenties called....you guessed it...Death And Saxophones.</p><p>So...here is a sneak peek, a section from a few scenes in. </p><p>Wealthy Beverly Hills bigwig TV producer Wille Benson has died. "Death....and saxophones," were his final words. Here's hoping this scenes makes sense and gives some tiny indication of the style of comedy I was trying for at the time.</p><p></p><p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">INT. NIGHT. DOWNSTAIRS HALL.
HALF HOUR LATER.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">A policeman is talking to a
doctor. The body is being wheeled out the door on a stretcher.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>POLICEMAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Everything’s on the level, then?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Yes, yes, no foul play.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>POLICEMAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I guess that’ll be it, then.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">If it’s alright, I’d like to stay and talk
to the family for a minute.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>POLICEMAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Okay, I’ll take off, though. See ya.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Goodbye.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Policeman leaves. The doctor
goes toward the sitting room, where the family is gathered.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">INT. SITTING ROOM.
CONTINUOUS.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The doctor enters. Mitzi is
sitting in a chair, touching herself up with makeup. Suzy has on sweats and
is on the floor stretching. Alan is sitting at a computer off to the side of
the room. Robert and Marsha are wearing tutus and practicing ballet together.
We hear Winfred outside, hammering together the construction of the new house
extension. The doctor puts a hand on Mitzi’s shoulder.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m so sorry.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>MITZI:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Hm? About what?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That your husband died.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>MITZI:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Oh, that…</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>MARSHA:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>How is he, Doctor? Is he going to be okay?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Uh, no. I’m afraid not. Death is
something very few people bounce back from.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>MARSHA:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Bummer.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I’m wondering. I hope I’m not imposing on
you too much – could you tell me what his last few hours were like?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">He puts pen to notepad, ready
to take notes.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>MITZI:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Just a quiet evening at home. We watched
the pilot of the new show he produced; “Bikini Cops,” then we changed clothes
several times, and went to bed.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Uh huh. Did he say anything unusual
during all this? Did he seem odd at all?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>MITZI:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Well, let’s see. He did mention at one
point that he thought he would probably die tonight.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The doctor is disinterested
in this.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Uh huh. Anything else? Anything unusual?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Isn’t that unusual?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">No, no. We get that all the time. IF you
had any idea how many people claim they’re going to die at some particular time – </span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">But he did die, tonight! After he said he
would.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Look! Who’s the doctor here, anyway?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You do know the cause of death, don’t
you.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Oh, yes, yes, of course.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Well…</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Well, what?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">How did he die?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The doctor’s mind is
obviously racing.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He…he, uh, was…gored, by a, by….by a woodchuck.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>ROBERT:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Oh, what a way to go!</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>How could he have been gored by a woodchuck?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">It happens very rarely, but when it does,
death is instantaneous.</span></p><p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Are you absolutely positive this is how
he died?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Well, not absolutely.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Are you certain that a woodchuck was
involved at all?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Well, one might have been.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Do you have any idea how he died at all?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Not really, no.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Then how can you go around saying he was
gored by a woodchuck? What kind of doctor are you, anyway?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Well, I’m not a doctor, really.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>MITZI:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Not a doctor!</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Gasps from all around.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Then what are you?</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I’m a writer. Please don’t be mad at me.
I have this film script. All I need is money to make this movie. I swear, it’ll
be great. It’s called, “Surf Boxer.” It has action, adventure, and sex, and –</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>MITZI:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Get out of this house, you un-wealthy
person. Alan, take him away.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>ALAN:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Come on, out you go.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Alan grabs him by the collar
and drags him toward the door.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>DOCTOR:</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I swear, it’ll be a big hit. All I need is money.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-color-alt: windowtext; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">And the door slams in his
face.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p></p><p>Peter Wick</p><p>September 14, 2023</p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-29025828744592688742023-07-15T09:12:00.002-07:002023-07-15T09:12:17.248-07:00117 - SAGAFTRA on strike!<p> <span style="font-size: medium;">In the mid 1990s I did a lot of Extra work. I don't even know what the Union/non-union rules are for studio films these days, but in the 90s you could work a big budget studio film as a non-union Extra, as long as the the film began each day with the required number of SAG (Screen Actors Guild) Extras. Those of us who were working lots of non-union Extra jobs, started to get to know each other. We all had the same goal in mind. What was that goal?<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Those three 'SAG Vouchers.' If you could convince a shoot to keep you on for another day - maybe a day when they were planning to hire only ten SAG Extras - because they needed to match the shot you were in, you might get a 'SAG Voucher.'</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Three SAG Vouchers and you qualified to join the Union.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I got my first one on Forrest Gump.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The memory is a little hazy now, but I believe I got my second one on a film called SFW Starring Stephen Dorf. The third one was for Jimmy Hollywood, a Joe Pesci, Christian Slater film, written and directed by Barry Levinson.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I was thinking about that film recently when I watched the Hulu series Dopesick. I noticed that Barry Levinsoon - who is 81 now - co-produced Dopesick, and directed the first two espisodes.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This inspired me to give Jimmy Hollywood a watch recently, for the first time since the 90s.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixlRXxd0FWadsDC84D75CUFwBt65T9sdInk21_rZ2iXNMCjUHtkvzVXZpPNDEiN9yWrcqDB_M0frVUEMw_1UUJp4h61fbB465YSdpM-_V9Ene3RatJibZs0XxUm3NPGYCe1w2Wdst92tvZHDPHSoiXGfbCxusdJ5P8Uij01tPfyH_QgfJvsJCh5wFKIeBM/s1334/Screenshot%202023-07-14%208.32.26%20PM.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="858" data-original-width="1334" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixlRXxd0FWadsDC84D75CUFwBt65T9sdInk21_rZ2iXNMCjUHtkvzVXZpPNDEiN9yWrcqDB_M0frVUEMw_1UUJp4h61fbB465YSdpM-_V9Ene3RatJibZs0XxUm3NPGYCe1w2Wdst92tvZHDPHSoiXGfbCxusdJ5P8Uij01tPfyH_QgfJvsJCh5wFKIeBM/s320/Screenshot%202023-07-14%208.32.26%20PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-w75GylAl8f8acua-Wg911KcRNR_twShyv73ZK174i7p0O2C-B2Bd8E2VRuhTHmniZQxTwJc0bsz1zT3uHNWScYw7cnuVJeFpHhVslZTV470Te748UQ37msI_bLR-oAStptMg6Trc4IaBLVtyW7RTt4kaurwUhpTZTLxt5j1UJekBOWirAAMfCzvGI5C6/s1334/Screenshot%202023-07-14%208.31.49%20PM.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="858" data-original-width="1334" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-w75GylAl8f8acua-Wg911KcRNR_twShyv73ZK174i7p0O2C-B2Bd8E2VRuhTHmniZQxTwJc0bsz1zT3uHNWScYw7cnuVJeFpHhVslZTV470Te748UQ37msI_bLR-oAStptMg6Trc4IaBLVtyW7RTt4kaurwUhpTZTLxt5j1UJekBOWirAAMfCzvGI5C6/s320/Screenshot%202023-07-14%208.31.49%20PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm proud to say that I briefly shared the screen with Joe Pesci and Christian Slater. In the top picture, that's me right in between them, standing in the background (that's an unusually BLOND Joe Pesci), and in the second picture I'm in the foreground, with Christian Slater and a little of Pesci's blond in the background. This was me playing the part of, well...an Actor, at an audition. That was the scene. I was going over some lines I needed to audition with.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So, you ask, what's the point?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The point is Actors are on strike.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">A couple months ago I posted here in support of the WGA writers strike. The writers being on strike by themselves felt a little bit lonely. I hate to admit the power of celebrity, but having the actors join the writers - with personalities like Matt Damon speaking out from the picket line - does feel a little more powerful.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">A week or so ago, before SAGAFRTA joined the writers on the picket line, I read a comment from one producer that their goal with the writers was to "Break the Guild."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I don't think I have to interpret this for you. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Pure evil!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This strike is having an impact. It has to reshape the entertainment industry.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Solidarity!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">July 15, 2023</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-4126368235542989002023-06-14T19:07:00.002-07:002023-06-14T19:10:44.275-07:00116 - An Open Letter to Duolingo<p> <span style="font-size: medium;">Duolingo...Fermati...Stop! Just stop!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">You're getting really annoying!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">In the three years I've used you, slowly building up my ability to offend someone in Italy, I have never done even seven days in row. Never.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Yet, you go on and on about my 'streak.' "You're on an 18 day streak," you like to brag. "No, I'm not," I say to no one, since you can't hear me. "I have taken at least two, maybe three days off during those 18. You're just so obsessed with streaks that you fake it through the days I don't show up. You 'freeze' my streak, so it looks like I've done many days in a row, when in reality I've done just two or three days in a row."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Don't lose your streak!" you shout (I know it's only a message, but it seems like shouting).</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"I already lost my streak," I say back. "I never had a streak. I don't want a streak. I refuse to have a streak. I will never have a streak."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I know this is beginning to sound vindictive and petty, but that's just how annoyed I am with you.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Oh, and what the hell is "XP" anyway? I don't actually care what XP is, so you don't have to answer the question.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm not using Duolingo to play games. I don't play games. I'm not a game person. Well...I play soccer and chess, but I don't play the kinds of games you're trying to make Duolingo feel like.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I just want to spend five minutes, maybe five nights a week, working out simple Italian sentences, so when I land in Milan I can offend all the local soccer ("Calcio") fans by calling AC Milan and Inter Milan, "Escrementi." (Then, of course I will be beaten within an inch of my life, and the Juventus jersey I'm wearing will be torn into tiny strips.)</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And....</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Let's move on to the weird sentences you sometimes use.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">A recent lesson I did had the following sentence:</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Non ho i tuoi pantaloni."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"I do not have your pants."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Did anyone stop to think about when the hell I am going have to say this? What is the circumstance, the situation, where I will have to know how to say, "I do not have your pants"?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Where am I, and what has just happened, that makes me have to say this? And who am I talking to? You need to think about these things before you put an Italian lesson together.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">It's like the old Monty Python translator sketch, where John Cleese is learning butchered English and says, "My hovercraft is full of eels."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Hey, that's an idea, what is "My hovercraft is full of eels," in Italian?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Eureka! I have it:</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Il mio hovercraft e pieno di anguille!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Hm, weird, seems like there is no Italian word for 'hovercraft.' Maybe I'll switch back to pants. Il mio pantaloni e pieno di anguille!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I apologize if this letter comes across too angry. I'm not really angry, just annoyed.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">You would be too...if your pants were full of eels.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">June 14, 2023</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-11425865025683742612023-05-13T12:07:00.000-07:002023-05-13T12:07:00.208-07:00115 - In Support of the WGA Writer's strike<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Things have become a little too quiet.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I miss my regular dose of comedy. As much as I complain about the sometimes mediocre sketches on Saturday Night Live, getting through the week without my regular dose of Weekend Update leaves a hole in my life.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">All the late night comedy/talk shows have gone dark. Series that would be in production right now have gone silent. Writer's can be found on picket lines outside the major studios here in Los Angeles.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Writers are on strike!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I've often described myself as being 'on the fringes of Hollywood.' I'm not deep into the Hollywood soup, but I am here in L.A. as a writer-comedian-actor-director. Most of what I do is pretty low budget and independent by Hollywood standards. I'm comfortable with that. Low-budget 'Indy' has been my life. The timing of this strike hits home for me, though. I have a project in the lower levels of a notable production company. Conversations about rewrites were ongoing, before it ideally would be sent upstairs and submitted to the top brass of the company. Those conversation have shut down during the strike.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So, yes, I am on strike.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm not going to get into the specifics of the issues bringing the strike on. I just want everyone out there to respect writers, support the strike, and put pressure on the Producers.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">As the world has shifted to an all-streaming TV model, the old rules no longer apply, and Producers have found writers to be an easy target to squeeze.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I've chatted casually with a few of my non-entertainment industry, soccer teammate friends about it. They seem to support the writers in general, but also can't stop themselves from a little criticism. "So many shows are just crap," they say. I laugh with them. "Yeah, I agree, there's a lot of really crappy writing going on in this city."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">But let's not make the problem worse. Pay the writers a living wage. there are billions of dollars floating around in this city. Let's, at the very least, respect writers as much as we respect each company's stock-holders.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">That's all I really have to say.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Respect writers. support the strike. Let's reach a new agreement, and get back to doing what we love.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">May 13, 2023</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-47870666500056051282023-04-14T20:20:00.001-07:002023-04-14T20:20:25.204-07:00114 - An Open Letter to my Brother, John Wick<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Dear John;</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">It's Peter, your brother, the guy who you used to tease when we were kids - well, when we were VERY little kids. Then you started taking Judo lessons, and it wasn't teasing anymore.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">How are you, John? I see that another movie about your adventures has just come out. I'll see it eventually. I can't rush out to watch your movies right away. I have to think about it for a while first. I have to reflect back on our childhood together, the good times, the bad times, the puncture wounds...</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm just now at a place, mentally, where I can handle watching your third movie.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I see you're down one finger. Ouch! That was hardcore!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">You missed Mom's memorial service, John. She took one unfulfilled desire to the grave with her; she wished you and she could reconcile.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I know! I know what you're thinking; "Well, she shouldn't have kicked me out of the family."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">It was a difficult time, John. Dad had passed two years before, and she was enjoying dating that guy, you know the guy. Sure sometimes he said mean things to us...but, John, you didn't have to break his neck! All he did was tell the dog to shut up. And, John, face it, that dog was crazy! Just that one, John, that was the only crazy dog, ever. And Mom's date just yelled "Shut up!" at the dog, and, well, you kinda lost it then, John.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">You see, John, it was hard for Mom to get her head around the idea of you killing people. I mean, besides you, we were pretty much a peace-loving family. None of the rest of us ever killed anyone. It just wasn't something we did, John. We played basketball! We played soccer. Then off you go and become an assassin.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And, look, I know you're conflicted about it. I know for each one of the 500 people you've killed you feel a nagging pain inside.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I just want to reconcile, John. I'm your brother. Brothers should talk to each other. Maybe I can set up a little meetup. Just you, me, and my dog Sheila, that's it. No one else. No assassins. No counter assasins. No one trying to kill anyone. Just two brothers having a good moment with a dog.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">What do you say, John?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">For Mom?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">April 14, 2023</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-88289027459763867882023-03-14T19:40:00.002-07:002023-03-14T19:40:40.387-07:00113 - The Reader Appreciation Post<p><span style="font-size: medium;"> Thank you!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This is how I have to start this post. For all the sarcasm and snark that makes up Simple Displeasures, this one time I have to sit back and just say, "Hey, everyone...thanks."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">When someone settles into a creative life, putting work out into the world for everyone and anyone to consume, to enjoy, and sometimes to criticize, any kind of positive response feels like teamwork. Well, sometimes, the way I do it, it feels like we are co-conspirators. When I write something just a little bit subversive, and it gets a decent number of readers, I feel like myself and you readers are in on something together.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I began Simple Displeasures a little over a decade ago, thinking it would be LUCKY to build a small unique group of regular readers. I mean, I decided early on - and stuck to the decision - to post only once a month. During the first year or two I was satisfied with maybe a hundred views in a month. Not TOO bad, I thought. Not bad for something that doesn't really have anything to directly compare itself to. I think the closest thing I can compare this to, is an old-school monthly magazine humor column.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Eventually, five or six years into this thing, I was happy to see 1,000 people having a look each month.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Last month - February, 2023, this little thing passed 5,000 views in a month, and crossed the lifetime mark of 100,000.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Now... I get it. This is the internet, and you are supposed to be counting your hits in the millions, not thousands or hundred thousands. But, this is writing, sometimes funny writing, but still, reading is not exactly at the heart of the current zeitgeist.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And yet, readers exist!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">You are readers! So...thanks!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Over the past 100 years or so, societal group-think has gravitated toward a philosophy that artists have to be rich and famous to be considered successful. Artists (trust me) understand the flaw in this thinking. Having an 'Artist-Audience' relationship with society - or even small niche chunks of society - is more of a mission. Sometimes (and I will always thank my somewhat famous grunge friends who survived the 90s for teaching me this) it is more valuable to have a smaller-but-genuine relationship with an audience.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So, here we are.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">It makes me laugh to realize that you as a readership have grown in numbers AFTER I quit Elon Musk's Twitter. Admittedly I do use a little bit of Google advertising for some of my stuff, but currently a little bit less than in the past.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I keep being surprised at the monthly numbers...and - despite the snark and the sarcasm - I am slightly touched.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Please forgive me for being slightly sentimental this month. I'm sure I'll be back to the sarcasm in April.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Here's to the future!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">March 14, 2023</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-63642008979652471372023-02-13T19:42:00.001-08:002023-02-13T19:42:34.983-08:00112 - The Probum with Book Lernin - By Guvuner Ron Duh-Santis<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Look, America, if the way we learned history back in the day, was good enough for your granpappy, if it was good enough for me, then dang it, it's good enough for you!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The probum with all this new-fangled LERNIN and stuff - people tryna teach you things that actually happened back in the past and stuff, is that you gonna end up learnin stuff that you jus' don't wanna know! I mean, seriously, you jus' don't wanna know it, so you shouldn't have to. And now I'm gonna protect your freedom here, your freedom to not know stuff!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So, here's my proposal for colleges: Stop teachin' bad stuff! </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">By bad stuff, I mean stuff that people don't wanna know! You know, like that slavery was as bad as it actually was. Jus' don't teach that. People don't wanna know that bad stuff, you know?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Just teach the basic stuff, like that everything was better in the past. That's what you should be teachin. Teach people that since everything was better in the past, then we can cheer and feel good about everything today.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Besides, teachin' bad history isn't gonna have any affect on what happens today. you know, 'cuz it's so long ago. Stuff that happened so long ago don't have any bearing on what happens today. At least that's what I think, and if I can think it, you can too!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Now, let's look at this here A.P. Black history course that I cancelled. That course was WOKE!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Now, you all know what I mean when I use that word WOKE! Right? I mean, I have no idea what WOKE is, but I know it's bad, so I can just call stuff WOKE and everyone knows that stuff is bad! WOKEY POKEY DOKEY?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">What stuff is WOKE? Anything that teaches history that was bad. I mean, sure bad stuff happened in the past, but that doesn't mean we should KNOW it! Cuz, you know, everything was better in the past, at least in the past that I know about.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So...I've decided what colleges and universities can teach.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Now, some people come up to me and they say, "Hey, Guv! There's experts at these places, experts who know more than anyone else about certian things. Experts gotta be allowed to teach what they know!"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Ridiculous!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Experts are WOKE!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Experts are people who have an agenda.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">What is their agenda? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">To TEACH you stuff!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Ridiculous!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Woke!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">No more!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">No more teachin stuff.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">AND...I'm banning books! All of them! No more readin'! Why do people read, anyway? readin' is WEIRD! All the books I've banned are weird books. No more!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>And don't question what you're taught. Just believe it, like I do. That way you can be jus like everyone else...NORMAL! </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Be the same as everyone else. If everyone else can be normal and the same, and not have have any weird thoughts in their head, then you can do it too!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm here to protect your RIGHTS! Protect your rights to not know stuff. Protect your rights to not be subjected to the information taught by the WOKE MOB! Protect your rights to only know the history that I know about!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Stay normal America!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Be the same as everyone else!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Stop tryna be smart and weird, you weird readin' weirdos!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">February 14, 2023</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-14888047683315088712023-01-14T10:55:00.003-08:002023-01-14T10:55:57.211-08:00111 - The Future of True Facts<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The Science Professor finished making a few notes in his
notebook, and looked up to see his 4pm appointment, a student named Mick, walk
in the door of his office and sit down in the chair opposite him.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Hello, Mick,” the professor said.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Hi.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">Mick looked sideways at the professor and inhaled. “I need a
better grade in this class,” he said.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">The professor looked across at Mick. He cleared his throat.
“Well,” he began, “there’s a perfectly simple way to bring your grade up. You
know what it is. You’ve missed four assignments.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“I can’t do the assignments,” Mick said. “They cause me
anxiety.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">The professor did not say anything for a moment.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">Mick continued. “Also,” he said, “you said I was wrong when
I wrote that the air we breathe contains pixie dust.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Yes,” the professor replied. “I said you were wrong. Our
air does not contain pixie dust.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“You’re discriminating against my most personal beliefs,”
Mick said.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">The professor stood up and walked behind his desk.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Mick, this is a science class. Science contains facts. We
can very clearly measure exactly what elements are in the air we breathe.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“You’re discriminating against my beliefs,” Mick repeated.
“I believe with all my heart and soul that the air we breathe contains pixie
dust.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Mick,” the professor said. He stopped. He dropped his head.
He continued. “You signed up for this class in order to learn the things that I
can teach you.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“No – “ Mick interrupted.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“No?” the professor asked.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“I signed up for this class because I need this credit. I
don’t want you to indoctrinate me with your elitist propaganda.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Elitist propa – “ the professor half-laughed. “This is
science – “<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“And I need you to stop teaching science as if it is facts.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Mick! Where did you get the idea that you can tell me what
to teach? I’m the teacher. You’re the student.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“You’re being discriminatory,” Mick said. “You teach things
that cause me anxiety. I believe air contains pixie dust, and if you tell me
I’m wrong, you’re cancelling my freedom of speech.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Mick!”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">The professor looked down at his desk and shook his head.
“Mick, look I’m sorry about being argumentative. It’s just that we have
scientific tools that measure the air we breathe. It contains Oxygen, Nitrogen,
carbon dioxide – “<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“And, in my opinion, pixie dust,” Mick said.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Opinion…there’s no opinion about it.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Now you’re being pixie-dust-phobic,” Mick said. “You’re
being critical of me for having beliefs that don’t match with yours.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">The professor sat down at his desk and stared at the papers.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">Mick continued. “I’m circulating a petition.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“A petition?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“A petition to have you fired for so many reasons; for
causing your students so much anxiety, with the assignments and the learning
so-called ‘facts,’ for being pixie-dust-phobic, for discriminating against the
personal beliefs of your students.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">“Mick, this institution will never fire me for teaching
science accurately. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you today. Have a good day.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">A week later the professor was fired. Mick had won.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">Later in life Mick would become famous for his theory that
Democrats are actually laboratory-engineered mutant yaks, designed to take over
the world in their fake human form. Yes, there were those who thought Mick was an
absurd clown, but Mick campaigned with fervent belief, and so the people
eventually came around to his way of thinking.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">Then, when he failed to become elected President, half of
the voting public believed him when he said the election was stolen by alien
space satellites that infect people’s brains, and force them to accidentally vote for the
wrong person…</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;">January 14, 2023</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-49474885992123595712022-11-11T15:29:00.003-08:002022-11-11T16:11:57.543-08:00110 - Craig interviews me about How To Confuse A.I.<p><span style="font-size: medium;"> I first met Craig Joyce when he
was 11. I think I was 14 at the time. We’ve known each other for so long, we
can sometimes finish each other’s sentences.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig is an odd person. I know,
that’s a weird thing to say about an old friend, but he, of all people,
completely agrees with that.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig has written extensively
about the Seattle/Grunge music scene, and has occasionally helped me out
editorially with Azzurri Publishing. He came by recently to ask me a few
questions about my recent book, <b><i>How To Confuse A.I.</i></b><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The following is what Craig
himself sent me after the interview. We talked for a lot longer than this. I
didn’t have any editorial input. I’m just posting what he decided to include.
-P.W.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: Peter Wick, how is the publishing
and movie-making going?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: That’s a pretty broad question
to start with, Craig.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: Are you ducking the
question?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: No. things are going okay.
I could imagine them going a little better, but that’s probably always the case
with anything in life.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: Tell me about the
inspiration for ‘How To Confuse A.I.’<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Okay, well, it starts with “Dr,
Strangelove.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: The 1960’s Stanley Kubrick
film.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Yes, it’s a satire, a
brilliantly funny satire. Most of the kids these days probably don’t know
anything about Dr. Strangelove, but they should check it out. They probably just
think I’m getting the name of Dr. Strange, from Marvel, wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: It had Peter Sellers in
three roles –<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Yeah, and it finds
hilarious comedy in accidental nuclear war.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: I remember finding it a
little bit disturbing.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Well, yeah, if you find comically
accidental nuclear annihilation disturbing –<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: I do.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: But the point is, it’s sort
of the ultimate, the most brilliant and funny satire of all time.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what connection does it have to How To
confuse A.I.?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: I just always emulated that
approach to comedy. I always wanted to channel that approach, that biting satire
to something.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: So, 50 years in the future –
<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Yes, these tech guys, these
billionaires, and what I consider this almost religious level of hyperventilating
about technology – what’s the next big thing? How will technology save humanity
this time?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: You wanted to satirize
that.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: I did. So, I just projected
these tech elements we’re living with, fifty years into the future, and went
with it.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: Who exactly are you satirizing?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Do you mean which billionaires?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: Yes.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Well, I think it’s pretty
obvious.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: You have a character named
Tyrell Elon Zuzerzos.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Yep.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: Tyrell is from –<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Blade Runner.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: The 1982 Ridley Scott film.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Yeah, and the sequel, 2049.
The Tyrell Corporation makes the Replicants, the simulated humans.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: Then the name Elon –<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Yes, and?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: Elon Musk?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Look, I don’t want to be
sued. But, yes, and the courts generally protect satire and parody. But, yes, Elon
Chief Twit Musk.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: And Zuzerzos.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: So, the idea is simply that
if you take Jeff Bezos, or Amazon’s Alexa, plus Musk’s Neuralink, plus
Zuckerberg’s Metaverse, and give them a combined fifty-year evolution, you might
see where I imagined the Simu-Network.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: Where the robots are
indistinguishable from humans.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: They live among us.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: And everything is connected?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Yes, there are no devices
anymore. Everything is either inside you or attached to you.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Craig: You have an element of the
story concerned with Bio-Wars, viruses and diseases. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was part of the story influenced by the COVID
pandemic?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Absolutely<span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">. I mean, sitting in the middle of the
pandemic, where everyone was suddenly working remotely, where all these
meetings happened over zoom instead of in person. That lifestyle, combined with
the simple reality of a worldwide pandemic, that answered a question for me in
the overall story structure. The possibility of this on an even larger scale
gave me an option to create fear. You know, there’s that sort of villain out there,
The Others.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Craig: Is there anything else you’re targeting for satire
here?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Peter: Oh probably, I don’t know. I mean, the
surveillance state of China, maybe. The way they have no limits on how much the
government can invade privacy, that certainly found its way in. I don’t mean I’m
satirizing China. I mean, imagine that level of surveillance happening in the
western world, and people accepting it because of that fear.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Craig: The way you describe it, it doesn’t sound very funny.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Peter: (laughs) Well, Dr, Strangelove, and accidental
nuclear war probably doesn’t sound very funny.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Craig: And how do you convince readers to check out the
book?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Peter: Well, it is funny. I’m very proud of it. It got a
5-star review from Readers Favorite.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Craig: Any final thoughts or comments you would like people
to know?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Peter: You know, I’ve become more open to all the unpredictable
ways people respond to things these days. I might have my own opinion about
this thing I wrote, or that movie I made, but people vote with their three dollars.
I appreciate any three dollars anyone spends on something of mine, but I’m sometimes
surprised what people respond to, and on the other hand what they don’t respond
to. I just want people to give this book a look.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Craig: What things are people responding to?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What are your most popular books and movies? <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Peter: I’d probably have to say that right now, the book,
“The Past Is Going To Suck,” currently has the most readers.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Craig: Currently?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Peter: I mean, it’s been out for about four years. The Key
West books go back almost ten years now. Over their history they’ve sold more
copies.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Craig: And movies?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Peter: The first one, surprisingly.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Craig: That would be Long Strange Trip.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Peter: Yes, these things go in cycles. For a while around
2014, 2015, thousands of people were watching the second one, Movie Pizza Love
on youtube. Now, Long Strange Trip, this old 1990’s thing, shot on film,
gritty, low budget, suffers from the low budget in places. I’ve been getting paid
for it by Amazon these last couple years. People are actually watching it more
than something I might personally consider a better movie.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Craig: Do you care to say which movie you mean? Which one
do you consider a better movie?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Peter: I’m not going to say. People can find my stuff. I want
to focus on this new book, How To Confuse A.I.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: medium; mso-themecolor: text1;">Craig: Thanks for your time, Peter.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter: Good to see you, Craig. Say hi to Smitty for me.</span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick (and Craig Joyce)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">November 11. 2022</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-2452671331342170482022-10-15T09:28:00.001-07:002022-10-15T09:28:40.339-07:00109 - House of Game of Dragon Throne Mandalorians<p> <span style="font-size: medium;">The writers room was full.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Zack Thorington, Producer, Director, Billionaire, sat at the head of the table. He cleared his throat. Slowly those present stopped talking and took a seat.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Alright," he said, "we have a 5 series deal. We have cross-over deals with both HBO and Disney. What do you have for me?"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Heads turned in all directions.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">A moment's pause.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Dragons..." Gary Snyder said darmattically, "Versus The Hulk."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Okay, that's a start. Tell me more," Thorington demanded.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Alright you have dragons flying around destroying things, and who comes to save the village? The Hulk."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"But - " Ellen Mayfield jumped in from the far end of the table, "Boba Fett is visiting the village, and he and The Mandalorian, and Grogu think The Hulk is going about this all wrong, so they...um..."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Get Black Pantrher involved - "</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Because this is Wakanda, but Wakanda on another planet millions of years ago -"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"But actually it's Earth millions of years ago, in a different age, and thanks to acccidental time travel, The Avengers - "</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"And The Justice League - "</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"And The Guardians of The Galaxy -"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Are all there."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Zack Thorington cleared his throat and shifted in his chair. He turned to Gary Snyder. "Which side are the dragons on, again?" He asked.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"I - uh - I don't know," Snyder said sheepishly. "I lost track. Does it matter?"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"No," laughed Thorington. "No, it doesn't. Good work everyone, Let's split you up into two different teams. Half of you will create the spin-off series. There's a lot of money to be squeezed out of this. Okay, let's get to work."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Octover 15, 2022</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-13099624009138070982022-09-14T10:23:00.000-07:002022-09-14T10:23:44.794-07:00108 - The Lost Soccer Project<p><span style="font-size: medium;"> I will be sharing a video at the bottom of this post, from 1998. This story begins four years earlier, though in 1994. I know, I have young readers. Some of you are 18 years old, and were not even alive in the 1990's. It's okay. This is my story and I am owning it. We'll find a way to deal with each other's different ages sometime later.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I made my first low budget feature film in the 1990's - shot in '97, it is listed as a 1999 film (Long Strange Trip, or The Writer, The Naked Girl, blah blah blah) because of the extra year it took to get it out in front of audiences. It's on Amazon. I keep being amazed that it still finds viewers (do they understand that the low budget means we had to shoot with an old 16mm camera that sometimes ate film, meaning we lost whole takes to a faulty film magazine?)</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I was working on another project in the 90's though - actually I had a few other came-and-went projects. This one was a documentary. It was going to start as a book, inspired by George Plimpton's "Paper Lion."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Plimpton spent an NFL preseason training camp with the Detroit Lions, and wrote about it. It's a fascinating book. I wanted to replicate the concept with soccer.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">But let's back up a little bit.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The USA hosted the 1994 world Cup. I loved everything about it. As an amateur socccer player myself, I couldn't get enough. Even better, the new league - MLS, or Major League Soccer - had announced a kick-off date in the Spring of 1995. Living in L.A. at the time, I was intrigued by the announcement of open tryouts for the league in L.A. that December. I started working out seriously. I wanted to be in my best shape. I knew I would not make it to an official professional roster, but I felt confident that I could go far enough to have something interesting to write about.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I was sure my George Plimpton moment was about to happen.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Then, about a month before the tryouts were to happen, MLS cancelled everything. The tryouts were called off. the league's debut was postponed by a full year, to Spring of 1996. It knocked the air out of my sails.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">That next summer - 1995 - I moved back to my home town of Seattle.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">As 1995 ended I felt a sense ot missed opportunity. I knew open tryouts were happening back in L.A. and I had no way of participating. The itch...ITCHED!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This is why, in March of 1996, when I saw a little notice in the local Seattle newspaper, that local lower-division team, Seattle Sounders, was having open tryouts that Saturday, I jumped at the chance. I didn't even know what to expect from it. It wasn't MLS, but as defending champions of what was then "The A-League," and still a month before MLS would kick-off, The Sounders were technically the top team in the country.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I wrote about this day as a Sounder <a href="http://peterwick.blogspot.com/2019/09/78-that-time-i-tried-out-for-seattle.html" target="_blank">here</a>. I'm realize now that I'm repeating myself a little, so </span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>I</span><span>'m moving on the video</span></span><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Two years after the Sounders tryout, the itch was still itching. My friend Smitty shot this little video of me during the 1998 World Cup.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">By the way, one of the winners of that World Cup, French defender Frank Leboeuf, ended up on a field opposite me nearly a decade later. Then 40 years old, he was in L.A. studying acting, while playing recreationally for a team called Hollywood United. He shut me down pretty convincingly. Seemed to know every move I was going to make before I made it. Being shut down by a World Cup winner is one of my proudest moments in soccer.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">As I sit here, nursing a slightly sprained ankle from playing recently, I realize it's time to shut up. No more nostalgia. The lost soccer project is relegated to that bin of history where so many lost creative projects go. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Or is it?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Enjoy the video:</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/e15Pi1b5MqE" width="320" youtube-src-id="e15Pi1b5MqE"></iframe></div><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">September 14, 2022</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-74283166422256702902022-07-14T21:36:00.001-07:002022-07-14T21:36:28.431-07:00107 - The New Science Review (from 1992)<p> <span style="font-size: medium;">NOTE: I have boxes and boxes of old stuff sittting around here. Every once in a while I rediscover the urge to dig through some old stuff and see if there is anything that does not make me want to vomit, and then disown my younger self. Occasionally I read something I wrote back in the day, and kind of like it. This is dated, for sure. Some of you readers - if I read my analytics properly - were not even born in 1992. You never had the chance to see TV commercials featuring claymation raisins singing, "I Heard it Through the Grapevine." For what it's worth, this little thing I knocked off sometime in my 20s, feels like something I still want to claim ownership of. You know where I am if you disagree.-PW</span></p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">The New Science Review</span></b></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">After strong urging by my closest friends (others might refer to it as 'severe taunting') I finally admitted, recently, my scientific incompetence. The circumstances leading up their urging need not be spelled out in detail. In short, they involve a certain amount of nitro glycerin and a now-defunct sewage system I absent-mindedly flushed it down.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The urging was strong, though, so I swallowed my pride (choking on it at first, but finally washing it down with a banana smoothie) and purchased the current issues of several science-related magazines.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I was stunned, not by the wealth of knowledge contained in these magazines, but by the journalistic desperation which these rags pass off as science.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">To offer an idea of what I found, I have complied a Table of Contents loosely similar to them all:</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">1. Inside Every Fat Man - pg. 9</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Two M.I.T. researchers finally disprove the old saying, "Inside every fat man is a thin one trying to get out." their eveidence shows that inside only 60% of fat men is a thin one trying to get out. Inside 30% of fat men is an equally fat man just trying to sit still, and inside one fat man in ten is a small marmot trying to butter toast.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">2. Consequences of The Greenhouse Effect - pg. 27</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">A new report reveals startling ramifications of The Greenhouse Effect. Of urgent interest is the newly discovered "Woodshed Effect." Has the world been overpopulated by men wearing hunting jackets and John Deere golf caps? How will this affect you and I?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">3. The Whole Mind - pg.35</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">New Age scientists reveal secrets of the brain's hidden power, focusing on a corner of the right lobe which, if used properly, can alter physical reality. Also discussed is a small spot in the left lobe which is more limited in its potential, but which still, when applied properly, can turn a tennis shoe into Richard Gere's laundry instructions.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">4. The Essence of Matter - Pg. 47</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Theoretical Physicist, Max Englespegle, takes several everyday objects, breaks them down into their most basic elements and, taking advantage of their vulnerable state, attacks them viciously with kitchen knives. The Editors intervene and pull him off, rushing the elements to the lab where those that survive are held for questioning.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">5. A Third Form of Atomic Power - pg. 51</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">After decades debating the safety of 'Fision' - the controversial process of splitting atoms - and current research into 'Fusion' - the cleaner process of bonding atoms together - scientists have discovered yet another form of atomic powere. It is called 'Lesion.' This is the simple process of setting two atoms near each other until one of them strikes up a conversation. Admittedly it has failed to produce substantial amounts of energy, but on at least two occasions it has resulted in the creation of atom families with tiny atom babies.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">6. Space Travel and The Future - pg. 71</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">An insightful discussion of both space travel AND the future. Includes special pull-out map showing where space is, and when the future is likely to arrive.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">7. The Worth of Scientific Accomplishments - pg. 83</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Our staff interviews three dozen distinguished scientists about the degree of satisfaction they get from their work. Results indicate that while science is generally rewarding, it does match the thrill of seeing raisins come to life and sing Marvin Gaye songs.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">8. Science scores its biggest success yet - pg. 86</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Modern science may still be baffled by cancer. It is still stumped by the Aids Virus. But science has, at long last, triumphed over static cling. We look back at the heroes of this battle, and recall some of the forgotten victims, such as Harold Rassmussen, a scientist in the 1950s who died while trying to pull two socks apart in the shower.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">9. Final Word - pg. 93</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Our Editor takes a humorous look at single cell structures, poking sarcastic barbs at their inability to breakdance or play the game of Twister.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">July 14, 2022 (or sometime in the early 90s)</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-89363176855267635832022-06-14T15:27:00.000-07:002022-06-14T15:27:11.267-07:00106 - George Washington visits Donald Trump<span style="font-size: medium;">It was a bright magically sunny day out on the Mar-a-lago golf course. Donald Trump was driving the cart from the tee out to the muddy swamp where he had hit his ball. Senator Lindsey Graham had also hit his ball in this direction, a little less distastrously, though, landing it nicely on the fairway. So, of course Trump claimed Senator Graham's ball as his own and stopped the cart.</span><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Something strange was happening though. The bright sun was turning bizarre colors. There were purples, blues, oranges swirling around Donald Trump. Suddenly he was by himself and Senator Graham was nowhere to be seen.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Trump shrugged and settled in behind Graham's ball. He practiced his swing a couple times, and prepared to hit.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Something stopped him.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Hello Donald."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">The voice came from some nearby trees. Trump looked up, puzzled, as George Washington stepped out from behind a tree and tipped his tri-cornered hat.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Is it...is it you? George Washington?" Trump stammered.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Yes," Washington answered.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Wow! what an honor!" Trump was smiling broadly. Washington was not smiling. "You know," Trump continued, "most people don't know, you were a Republican. People don't know that."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"No," Washington corrected, "I was not a Republican. That was Lincoln. I was against any and all political parties. there were no Republicans when I was in office.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Trump blinked angrily. "Maybe you need to go back and check," he said. "It's just a fact that you were a Republican."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"I warned the other guys, you know, Jefferson, Madison, that whole crowd, against the whole idea of political parties. I knew nothing good would ever come from them."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Actually..." the corners of Trump's mouth were twitching. "Actually, You're wrong," Trump said. "You were totally a Republican."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">A stony silence passed between the two men. Eventually Washington cleared his throat and said, "You lost the 2020 election."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">A rumble passed through Trump's body the way a ball of digestive gas rumbles through...well, through Trump's body.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Hey, didn't you own slaves?" Trump shouted.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"I emancipated them all," Washington said defensively.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Slave-ownin' George," Trump cackled. "You better not try to run again. When I put a label on someone it tends to stick. Just ask Lyin' Ted Cruz."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Washington cleared his throat again and straightened up. "You lost the election fair and square, and if you want to have any political legacy, you have to admit this and tell the truth."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"I always tell the truth," Trump said dismissively. "That's why my new social network is called Truth Social."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Have you heard that little story about me?" Washington asked calmly. "It's about an apple tree. The punch line is, I cannot tell a lie."</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Oh, ha! you're lyin' about it now. Everyone lies. I know you made up that story. Maybe I'll switch to 'Lyin' George Washington.' Has a nice ring to it" Trump brought his attention back to the Lindsey Graham's golf ball, and tried a couple practice swings.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"That's Senator Graham's ball," Washington said, matter-of-factly.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">"Graham's ball? What are you, blind? His ball is over there in the mud. Everyone saw him hit it there. What a loser!"</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">George Washington looked down solemnly. He shook his head. Slowly he turned back toward the tree he had stepped from behind. He walked toward it. He turned back to take one last look at Trump, just as Trump sliced the ball sideways into a lake. Trump laughed and returned to the cart, driving it straight toward the green, where he grabbed a ball from his bag and tossed it near the cup.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Washington disappeared behind the trees.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Donald Trump was never seen again. He didn't mind, He lived forever in a magical purple blue orange golf wonderland. He was happy.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">And so was the rest of the world.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">June 14, 2022</span></div>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-63121434130319558772022-05-15T00:04:00.003-07:002022-05-15T00:04:38.565-07:00105. Final Sneak Peek - How To confuse A.I. - "I Don't Own a Dog!"<p>As I post this, my new book, my satirical SciFi, How To Confuse A.I. has become available for pre-order. It will be officially published and released to the public on Tuesday May 31, 2022. This excerpt comes about 20 pages in, as Adam Douglas settles into a calm evening at home with his simulated partner, Trilda. She is a part of the Simu-network, which - oh, screw it. At this point you have to read the whole book to get it. On with the sneak peek, which, yes, drops you right into the middle of a scene...</p><p><br /></p><p>The the glass balcony door opened, and a small whisper-silent Antarctica drone entered, carrying a package that it placed on the middle of the table.</p><p>Adam held his fork in his mouth, motionless, looking at the drone.</p><p>"Enjoy!" the drone said in a light perky voice, before flying back out the balcony door. The door quietly slid closed on its own.</p><p>Adam slowly removed the fork from his mouth. He chewed suspiciously.</p><p>"What's this?" Adam asked.</p><p>"Let's open it and see," Trilda said, clasping her hands together in anticipation.</p><p>"I didn't order anything."</p><p>"Open it."</p><p>Adam set his ffork down on his plate, still chewing his last bite of pasta.</p><p>He reached for the box and pulled it toward him. It was a very familiar box, the Antarctica logo on the side, the smiles around the edges.</p><p>He looked at the address. It was definitely addressed to him, Adam Douglas.</p><p>Adam was suspicious. Why would a delivery come when he had not ordered anything?</p><p>"Open it," Trilda chirped happily.</p><p>Adam reluctantly reached for a table knife and began to cut the tape.</p><p>He lifted the flap of the box and recognized some sort of clothing item.</p><p>He cut the tape down the side and opened the other flap.</p><p>As he pulled the green clothing item out of the box, he twisted his face sideways. It appeared to be a dog sweater.</p><p>He looked back inside the box and saw four small white dog booties, shaped perfectly for a small puppy's feet.</p><p>"What the-" Adam shook his head in confusion. "This is obviously a msitake."</p><p>He looked at Trilda, who was smiling an odd happy smile.</p><p>Adam raised his hands in confusion. "I mean, did you order this?"</p><p>"No," she said calmly. "It's probably based on your interestes."</p><p>"My interests..." Adam looked at her sideways. "I...we...there's no dog. We don't have a dog."</p><p>Trilda just smiled back.</p><p>Adam held the sweater in one hand and scooped up two of the booties in the other. He was perplexed, and Trilda wasn't helping.</p><p>He dropped the booties and the sweater back into the box with a shake off his head and sat sideways in the chair.</p><p>He lifted his eyes to his left and brought up the Antarctica hologram. He scrolled through the list of contact info and tapped a line on the hologram.</p><p>Jarvis appeared immediately.</p><p>"Hi, I'm Jarvis," Jarvis said pleasantly. "Thanks for contacting Antarctia. It will be my pleasure to help you today."</p><p>Adam turned once again and lifted the sweater from the box.</p><p>"This - this dog sweater was just delivered to me," he said, agitation creepiing into his voice. "I didn't order it."</p><p>"Cute!" Jarvis gushed.</p><p>Adam looked at Jarvis blankly. "I didn't order it," he repeated.</p><p>Jarvis smiled warmly. "Thanks for letting us know of your concern," he said. "We at Antarctica are obsessed with our customers' satisfaction. No, seriously, we're obsessed with it. It's the only thing we ever think about." He paused, then said, "If you will kindly give me a moment to look up your case."</p><p>Jarvis looked off beyond Adam. He was silent for a moment. He nodded happily and looked back at Adam.</p><p>"Good news!" Jarvis exclaimed. "It was seventy-five percent off!"</p><p><br /></p><p>That's all. The book awaits...</p><p>PeterWick</p><p>May 15. 2022</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-81641669278692606432022-04-14T19:56:00.001-07:002022-04-15T22:02:09.518-07:00104 - Messiah Complex, Anyone?<span style="font-size: medium;">The world moves quickly, and the state of things as I write this might be very different from the state of things when you read this.</span><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">As I write, Elon Musk has submitted a mutli-billion dollar bid to buy Twitter and take it private. The outcome has not been settled yet.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I want to try to sort through some very nuanced issues here, in a serious manner, which is sometimes hard for me. I am usually more likely to make jokes of things (including jokes about Musk - mashed up with a few other billionaire tech CEO's - in my upocoming book, "How To Confuse A.I.").</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Elon Musk purports to be crusading on behalf of "Free speech," a concept that I very much support. Having (among other things) a little bit of a journalism background, it hits me deeply when, for example, China cracks down of freedom of the press in Hong Kong. the freedom to speak freely is something I take very seriously.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">The problem with Twitter (and by extension Facebook, although I have not been on Facebook since 2014) is that "freedom of speech," becomes a wild west of propoganda (sometimes very sophisticated propoganda, expertly done by devious parties), with insufficient checks and balances, on a platform too easily used to spread dis-proven conspiracies, and outright falsehoods.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">So, I ask Mr. Musk, do you support 'Bad Actors' freedom to speak expertly designed falsehoods, manipulated specifically to damage our public discourse?</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I'll give you my answer. In the public square; meaning literally outside on a street corner, where The Constitution guarantees free expression, yes, I support anyone's freedom to spout nonsense of any kind unhindered. Literally outside on the street corner. That is where constitutionally-protected free speech has no limits.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">On a social network, though - a corporation such as Twitter - I support, want, demand, that the company police and check that 'speech' on their platform is not being used to manipulate, to decieve, or to tear apart. A private newspaper demands the freedom to print and publish whatever it deems print-worthy, according to its own standards. Yet, that same newspaper has the freedom to say no to someone from outside the paper demanding that they print their outside/confrontational/false article or editorial. It is not a clamp-down on "freedom of speech," for this private newspaper to reject a submitted piece of writing. The writer of the alternate piece of writing has absolute and total freedom to go outside on the street corner and shout any and all desenting views he wants. That, and that only is "Freedom of speech." Any private company has the freedom, even the responsibility, to police and safeguard their platform from incendiary flasehoods.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Twitter was getting better at these safeguards, especially when they recently banned a few conspiracy-spreading loonies. My worry about Elon Musk running Twitter is that he will be inclined to let the loonies, the liars, the conspiracy theorists, and the propogandists new license to attack. Elon Musk says his attempt to take over Twitter is about "the future of civilization."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Messiah complex, anyone?</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/CNvg7MHRK_U" width="320" youtube-src-id="CNvg7MHRK_U"></iframe></div><div><br /></div>Peter Wick</div><div>April 14, 2022<br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-75219906150679284212022-03-14T06:56:00.003-07:002022-03-14T06:56:56.198-07:00103 - Who is Tyrell Elon Zuzerzos?<p> <span style="font-size: medium;">With my book <i style="font-weight: bold;">How To Confuse A.I.</i> coming in May, I feel a need to set the table regarding who and what exactly I am parodying, or satrizing, and anticipate any need to protect myself from wealthy men with lawyers.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The book has a short introduction, where I spell out a long list of comedy and science fiction works (books and movies) that I reference in the story (dystopian future as a comedy anyone?).</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I might not have included every reference, though, Maybe with this post, I am rewriting my introduction a little bit.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">For example, I did not spell out exactly which country I have borrowed a few of the more disturbing high tech surveillance practices from. It's a big country. One of the biggest. Lots and lots of people, all of them living under constant government surveillance. The country's name rhymes with Bina.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm actually not too worried about that country getting mad at me. I would love nothing more than to have my book banned in some huge country, simply because I made fun of them a little bit. That would be awesome!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm more concerned about a few rich Americans, who...sort of...well, let's say, I satirize them a little bit too.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">But first, no, let's bring up the First Amendment, and talk about a lot of other satire that has been protected by courts over the years. Why? Because - I'm just being honest - I actually am a little scared of rich guys with lawyers, and I want to preemtively stop them from suing me.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">We don't have to look any further than Saturday Night Live, especially the entire four years of Alec Baldwin satirizing our previous bumbling, egomaniacal, President. If Trump COULD have stopped SNL and Baldwin from making fun of him, he definitely would have. The fact that Trump was powerless to stop them is a testament to the power of the First Amendment, as tested in many many courts over the years.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I looked this up. I'm at scholarship.law.unc.edu reading about this topic. I'm quoting: "Satire may be more readily deserving of Frist Amendment protection because it can be viewed as a form of commentary." The write-up goes on to list and discuss several cases where plaintiffs tried to sue someone for making fun of them. Courts have overwhelmingly sided with the defendants (the comedians).</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So... who is this guy, Tyrell Elon Zuzerzos? He's nobody, of course. He's a fictional character. In my homage to previous works I have of course borrowed the name Tyrell from Blade Runner. Eldon Tyrell runs the Tyrell Corporation. He is the maker of the 'Replicants,' the simulated humans. I just took his last name and made it my character's first name. 'Elon'? I don't know. Just a good-sounding collection of letters. Zuzerzos? Hm, starts with 'Z," ends with 'Zos.' Who knows? What do you think? I think it's all made up and isn't based on anyone. (If you saw my facial expression right now, you would see how SINCERE I am.)</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Maybe you can help me. If you can think of any high powered tech CEO's out there, who run multi-billion dollar corporations, who believe that they are doing something AMAZING for humanity, who maybe, just maybe have too much of a Messianic view of themselves, let me know. I would LOVE to know if there is anyone like this in the world. If you can point me in their direction, maybe I still have time to include them in my..in my, uh...First-Amendment-protected satire.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">March 14, 2022</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-64086549451046809382022-02-14T21:03:00.002-08:002022-02-14T22:56:48.970-08:00102 - Pickles and Chocolate - My Secret Days With The Gazpacho Police<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">It's true! Margorie Taylor Greene was right! Nancy Pelosi has been running a secret police force called the Gazpacho Police. How do I know? Because I worked for them. I resigned recently, blaming hardship, emotional trauma, and psychological stress. Telling my story here, hopefully, will be part of my road to recovery.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />It all started when Pelosi received word that several Republicans - yes, all of them Trump allies - were making unacceptable food combinations. They were putting ketchup on pasta, we were told, and peanut butter on hamburgers; shocking stuff!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Pelosi didn't waste any time. She had the entire force set up in a couple days. I was designated as an undercover agent. My job was to shadow Margorie Taylor Greene when she went out to eat, track her food combos and report back. I was never to be seen in person. It was a tough assignment, but I took it on because I love my country.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />The next day I was hiding incognito under a table at a diner around the corner from the capitol. It was a tight squeeze, MTG's feet, three other pairs of feet (someone was wearing socks that hadn't been washed in days), and me. What I overheard scared me - cheetos and broccoli....COMBINED!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When I reported back to Pelosi, she exhaled with that decision-makers command that she has, and strode off in the direction of Chuck Schumer's office. Later that afternoon we were given even more serious instructions; serious food combo breaches like this were to be texted to her, live in the moment, and the uniformed officers would report to the scene as soon as possible.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">It was early the next day. MTG was ordering breakfast at a favorite morning spot of the congressional crowd. I was hiding inside the garbage can by the door. I listened intently, worried that I would not hear exactly what she was ordering. At first it seemed simple enough; a bowl of cereal and some orange juice.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">She took her order to her table and sat down. Everything seemed innocuous...until...I could not believe what I was seeing. She opened her orange juice and, right there in front of everyone, as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world, she poured her orange juice right into her cereal...CEREAL AND ORANGE JUICE!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I reached instantly for my phone, fumbling it into someone's left over tray of ketchup. I wiped it off and typed out the text to Nanci Pelosi; "Orange juice in her cereal," I texted, "Completely without any sense of shame!"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The reply was instant. Pelosi had uniformed officers already stationed nearby. They were on the scene in a matter of minutes.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The arrest was swift. The cereal was beyond hope.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">So, she was right to call us the Gazpacho Police. It's what we are. It's what we do.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm looking for some Ranch Dressing to dip these chocolate chip cookies into.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">February 14, 2022</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-33340292862100109912022-01-14T19:47:00.004-08:002022-01-15T15:16:23.138-08:00#101 The Beatles - Get Back<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I am aware that writing about The Beatles risks making me look like an old fart, so let's start by setting up some context. Like most people who are around these days, I discovered the Beatles after the fact. I'm not quite old enough to have been a part of that whole 60s thing when it happened. I might be old enough for the kids to still call me an old fart, but I'll deal with the kids separately.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">If, like me, though, you have any love for the creative process, a fascination with collaborative creativity, love for the great artists of the past - even if you are NOT a Beatles fan - then the 8 hour-long Beatles reality show currently streaming on Disney+ will prove to be endlessly surprising, fascinating and gripping.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">It also helps if you ARE a Beatles fan. Just saying. Knowing some of the history makes it just that much more mind-blowing.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So, here, in no particular order, are some take-aways that linger for me after watching all 8 hours almost twice (I'm writing this after rewatching the first 2 episodes, before watching the final episode again later tonight).</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Beatles solo songs- </b>Filmed and recorded in the context of The Beatles imminent break-up (sort of, more in a moment), it is amazing to watch George Harrison and John Lennon workshopping an early version of George's "All Things Must Pass." This song became the title track of George's 1970 solo album - a tour de force triple album, and considered by some to be the best Beatle solo album of all time. John also busts out an early version of his own eventual solo song, "Gimme Some Truth," and at one point begins singing what I thought was his later solo song, "Jealous Guy," only to realize that it is the exact same tune with completely different early lyrics.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>No, This is not the breakup - </b>This month-long project took place in January, 1969. A year later the footage was finally edited into the film "Let it Be," (the title song also released as The Beatles final single), and coincided more or less with the 1970 announcement of The Beatles final split. What is most surprising about the intra-group disagreements, though, in this 8 hour version, is that the four members really want, and work hard, to mend their differences. Yes, George quits the band for a few days, but the other 3 meet with him off-camera twice, in what had to be intesive discussions, eventually convincing him to return. Also, given the early 1969 time-frame, we have to remember that the entire Abbey Road album - was it their best? I tend to think so; I won't argue too forcefully against the Sgt. Pepper voters, though - was recorded over the following half-year. So...maybe they still did their best work AFTER all this turmoil.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>John and heroin - </b>We know for a fact that the always-experimenting John Lennon was going through his one heroin phase around the time of these recordings. What we don't know - and I won't even try to guess - is how much of it he was doing, how affected by it he was on a given day, or whether this was before, during or after his primary period of using the drug. What we do know - what we can see with our own eyes - is that John seems fairly out-of-it early on (episode 1 has a moment when Paul calls him out for nearly falling asleep). the first episode features a sometimes quiet John, a band-member who is there in person, but sometimes only barely there in spirit, By the time the second episode starts, though, John seems to begin waking up. By the mid point of the second epsiode, we have a whole new John who wasn't there at the beginning. He is engaged, creative, playful. He cares about the work. He writes and rewrites songs with Paul. The real John Lennon finally turned up.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Paul is a musical force of nature - </b>The history of The Beatles has tended to make people choose sides. Some people are on the John side. Others are on the Paul side. the sides will never agree....or will they? Years after the split both John and Paul referred to each other as "best friends," and there are many stories of Paul visiting John and Yoko in New York in the 70s. Watching the Get Back footage play out, it is impossible to hate Paul (and yes, I had often considered myself to be on the John-side). Songs seem to pour out of Paul in a way you might imagine symphonies pouring out of Mozart. It is stunning. He can toss out something improvised that never made it onto any recording, and you just look on in wonder. I came away from watching it, humbly admitting that I may have been wrong about Paul. He is a genius. Case closed.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>George's selflessness - </b>Yes, he quits the band for a few days. That might not be considered 'selfless.' I was surprised, though, at his complete change in attitude after returning, and I look on this attitude in the context of George being the one most fully immersed in eastern religious philosophy. George always had to swallow his ego, being around the Lennon-McCartney machine. Maybe that is what pushed him further into eastern mysticism. You're a Beatle. You're going to have an ego. But you're not John or Paul. Now you have to swallow your ego. Watch George after he returns from his little Beatle-vacation. He buys in. He gives all of himself to the projecct. He is smiling. He's having fun. Amazing.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Ringo the dependable - </b>He's a drummer. Drummers have to be dependable. Rarely have I witnessed a personality that so closely resonates with a band member's job within the group. Ringo is always there, always on time (the only one who is always on time), always watching his bandmates, listening, rarely making a fuss, always contributing exactly what he needs to contribute. He's quiet, but he's like a quiet magician who you sometimes don't notice, but who makes everyone else in the room better.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Abbey Road songs - </b>As the project began, the band was aiming for something like fourteen songs. They were struggling to get there, not that they didn't have fourteen good ideas. Some of the ideas were just that, ideas, not fully formed songs. Many of these set the foundation for Abbey Road a few months later. If you're an Abbey Road fan (this more than 50 year-old album just ended the year 2021 at #96 on the Billboard top 100 albums for the year), it is beyond happiness to watch George work on "Something," John try out early versions of "Polythene Pam," and "Mean Mr. Mustard." One morning Ringo shows up with an unfinished version of "Octopus's Garden," and George huddles with him at the piano, helping him refine it. Paul does several takes of "Oh Darling." Oddly, maybe surprisingly, the first version of "Come Together" that we hear is Paul singing, sitting at the piano. fun stuff!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Billy Preston - </b>When old friend Billy Preston shows up one day just to say hi (they had met him years earlier in Germany, when Preston was backing up Little Richard), the band (of course) asks him if he wants to sit down at the piano, and from that moment the whole enterprise takes off to a whole new level. No one questions it, not even Preston himself. Everything begins to click, to connect. It begins to feel predestined. Preston is there on the rooftop, performing as the "Fifth Beatle." He should get more credit for this than he does. John wanted him in the band. For this moment, he WAS in the band, and he fit perfectly.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>The rooftop concert - </b>This is what it's all about, isn't it. The Beatles final live performance, and it's an icnoic one, an illegal performance, one that disrupted the London business day, an outdoor performance that brought out the cops...just as Paul wanted. Yes, it was Paul who wanted to do something illegal. He even says at one point, "We should trespass." He was musing on where they should perform, where they should trespass, setting up as a band someplace where they would possibly be kicked out. He even suggests the Houses of Parliament. this is one of the great moments of the Beatles short career.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">January 14, 2022</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-60438413128767516212021-11-14T11:39:00.002-08:002021-11-14T11:39:36.416-08:00100 - "Speakeasy" (sneak peek #5 of How to Confuse Artificial Intelligence)<p> First, before getting to the How to Confuse AI excerpt, let me take a quick moment to acknowledge that being my 100th blog post, this marks more or less ten full years of the Simple Displeaasure blog. I want to thank the thousands of readers who have stopped by. Seeing the numbers grow means something to me, and the number of readers seems to be going up each month. So...thanks. I appreciate it more than you know. Now to the latest book excerpt...</p><p>Post #98 - just 2 months ago, tries to put these AI sneak peeks into some sort of order and perspective. This one comes (chronologically in the book) after the four previous ones. So if you feel like going back and reading through them in order, start with the explanation at the start of #98.</p><p>CHAPTER FOUR - SPEAKEASY</p><p>"Adam!" it was Amy. "Come with me," she said, walking briskly down the sidewalk.</p><p>Adam was walking faster than he wanted to, trying to keep up. "Let's take a pod," he said casually.</p><p>"Nah, it's not far. Let's walk. I feel like a walk."</p><p>Amy walked quickly, leading him around a corner.</p><p>"Where are we going?"</p><p>"To lunch," Amy said with a smile. Adam thought he saw the quickest, faintest wink from her, but he could not be sure.</p><p>Amy led Adam across a narrow elevated walkway. Adam had never been here before. It was isolated. Then Amy turned to Adam and said, "Wait." she looked quickly to the left and right. She reached her hand to the back of Adam's neck, where his Lynq chip was located, and pressed. A menu loaded in the air next to Adam. Amy scrolled through the menu, found what she was looking for, and slid a button to 'off.' She closed Adam's chip menu and repeated the entire process with her own Lynq chip. When she was done Adam began to speak. she placed her hand directly on Adam's lips, to keep him quiet. she smiled at him again. Then, to Adam's surprise she climbed over the concrete barrier of the walkway, and onto a creaky metal fire escape stairway on the side of a building. She looked back at Adam, who had not follwed her onto the stairway and chirped, "Come on."</p><p>Adam slid himself over the conrete barrier and stood next to her on the stairway.</p><p>Amy laughed a mischevious laugh and headed down the stairway. Adam followed.</p><p>At the bottom of the stairway Amy continued briskly through a narrow alley, then another alley, and finally to a dead end, a foul smelling, filthy alcove filled with garbage dumpsters.</p><p>Adam twisted his head in horror at the combined smell of garbage and urine.</p><p>"Where the - Where are we? Where are we going?"</p><p>"To lunch," Amy said with another laugh.</p><p>Amy put her eye up close to the wall. A light turned on and scanned Amy's eyeball.</p><p>A door unlatched.</p><p>Amy pushed the door open.</p><p>It was dark.</p><p>Amy pulled a string that turned on a weak yellow light bulb. Then she quickly began descending a flight of stairs.</p><p>Adam followed, perplexed.</p><p>After descending a second flight of stairs, Amy put her eye up to another reader. Again the light scanned her eyeball. The second door unlatched and Amy pushed it open. They found themselves in a large empty warehouse space. In the distance Adam could faintly make out the sounds of music.</p><p>"Where the hell are we?" Adam asked.</p><p>Amy turned to Adam and looked at him.</p><p>Adam stood facing her, a look of confusion spread across his face.</p><p>"Do you feel it?" Amy asked.</p><p>"Feel what?"</p><p>"The silence."</p><p>Adam looked up. He was not looking at anything in particular. He was listening, feeling. He turned all the way around. He looked back at Amy. He gave a half laugh. Despite the faint pulse of distant music, he was amazed at the silence.</p><p>"We're disconnected," Amy said quietly. "It's just us."</p><p>"Y - yes!" Adam felt it.</p><p>"No Lynq, no eves dropping, no surveillance."</p><p>"Yes!" Adam was surprised by the feeling. "It's just my brain!" He looked at Amy. "So, outside when you loaded my Lynq menu..."</p><p>"Turned off your location," she said matter-of-factly.</p><p>Adam was learning new things about Amy. Who is this person? he wondered.</p><p>"Come on," Amy said, and she strode across the large empty warehouse room.</p><p>As they approached the far end of the room the music got louder.</p><p>Once again Amy put her eye up to a reader. It scanned.</p><p>The door opened onto a scene of freakishness that Adam had never seen before. Red, yellow, and blue hair stood out to him. People with tattoos, peircings, half-shaved heads stood about talking and laughing.</p><p>Adam felt that he had just been transported to another time and place. This was from a fantasy world, an old movie, a relic of either the past or the future. He was not sure what to think or feel.</p><p>"What is this place?" he asked Amy.</p><p>"It's a Speakeasy.," she said.</p><p>At that moment they were interrupted by Tony, an effervescent, happy character with a green streak down the middle of his hair.</p><p>"Amy!"</p><p>"Tony!" They gave each other a hug.</p><p>"Who's our new friend?" Tony asked, looking toward Adam.</p><p>"This is Adam," she said. "Adam needs our help.'</p><p>"Wait, what? I do?" Adam blurted out, caught slightly off guard.</p><p>"Hi, Adam. I'm Tony," he said, giving Adam an unexpected hug.</p><p>"Hi Tony. good to meet you."</p><p>"Well," Tony said, taking a step back. "Come with me."</p><p>He led them through the collection of colorful, energetic characters to a table at the far end of the room.</p><p>"Chicken Caesar salad," Amy said as she sat.</p><p>Tony turned to Adam and looked at him expectantly.</p><p>Adam did not know what Tony wanted. He turned to Amy. "Is that a code I'm supposed to understand?"</p><p>"It's what I want to eat, silly," Amy said.</p><p>"Oh! Oh, okay, yes, two, then. Two chicken -"</p><p>"Chicken Caesars?" Tony confirmed, then turned to leave.</p><p>Adam looked around and took the scene in. "So, what's this? It's a sp -"</p><p>"A Speakeasy," Amy said. "You know, like the 1920's?"</p><p>"Hm? the 1920's?"</p><p>"You know," Amy began. "The 1920's, alcohol was illegal, so it went underground. Al Capone and all that?"</p><p>Adam again scrunched his face in confusion. "But alcohol isn't illegal. What - what am I missing? I'm so confused."</p><p>"You're cute when you're confused," Amy said with a chuckle. "It's called a Speakeasy in honor of the 1920's speakeasies. This place is off the grid. It's natural. It has no - there are no eyes, no ears, no Antarctica. No tech, except what the rogue techs do to keep this place incognito. no one's listening here. All these peoople are real. No simulations. We're safe here. We can talk freely. We can speak our minds. We can speak...easy...get it? that's why it's called a Speakeasy."</p><p>Peter Wick</p><p>November 14, 20201</p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304492644737463269.post-69416110830472376792021-10-14T20:30:00.001-07:002021-10-14T21:14:27.688-07:0099. Conspiracy Theories!<p> <span style="font-size: medium;">Here we go! Are you ready? I'm the real whistle-blower. Everything you've read, everything that you thought could not possibly be true...IS TRUE...and more!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">It all started back in early 2019, when George Soros, The Clintons, John F. Kennedy (yep! He's still alive in a secret bunker, and still calling the shots), and Babe Ruth (please don't ask me to explain that one: just acccept it) called me into a secret meeting and laid out the plan for the next few years.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Here's the plan," Jack Kennedy said. "We're going to create a fake pandemic, a real pandemic actually. It's going to be BOTH fake and real at the same time. Our plan is multi-pronged."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"What's multi-pronged mean?" Babe Ruth asked.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Bill Clinton looked over at him patiently and said, "It's like when you have BOTH great offense AND great defense. Like the best hitters and the best pitchers all at the same time."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"That's going be confusing," Ruth stammered, "if your offense and defense are on the field at the same time."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">You know what, I'm dropping Babe Ruth from this story. Seemed like a good idea a couple paragraphs ago.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">SO...Kennedy continued.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"We're going to send a specially trained, virus-infected bat, into the Wuhan Virus lab, cause panic, and the bat will let the virus out of his body and into the whole world."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"So, it's a real virus," I said, trying to keep things straight in my head.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Yes, and no," Jack answered. "It's a real virus, we're also going to plant the idea in social media that it's a fake virus, because it will also be fake."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"How can it be both real and fake?" I asked.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"For that you'll have to read up on Facebook."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Clinton tried to clarify a little. "Everything both is and is not what it is," Clinton said. I tried to ignore the similarity to something he had said under oath back in the late 90's and turned back to Kennedy.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Okay, so the virus - "</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">" - AND not the virus," he interrupted.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Is released out into the world..."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"-And NOT the world."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Jack and Bill were nodding pleasantly at me.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"And then what?" I asked</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"AND THEN..." Jack smiled. "Then, we create the vaccine."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"It's - it's a real vaccine?" I asked hesitantly.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Yes, it's a real vaccine," Kennedy beamed, "but it's also a world-wide micro-chip tracking device that will kill everyone who takes it within two years."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"And...and why would we want to kill everyone who takes the vaccine?"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"We don't," Clinton said.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"We both do and don't," Kennedy clarified.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"I'm confused," I said. "It's a real vaccine, but it's really a micro-chip that will kill everyone. I mean, what's the point of that? It doesn't do any of its potential jobs very well, does it. Why use microchips to track people who are going to die, from the very vaccine that WAS the microchip?"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"For that," Kennedy said, smiling even wider, "You'll have to read up on Facebook."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I was beginning to see a pattern here.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"What am I here for?" I asked.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Ah," Kennedy leaned back against the desk, sitting on the edge of it. "You, my friend, are going to keep track of everyone's microchip readings and decide when everyone is going to die from the vaccine. Those who believe most fervently in its efficacy will die the soonest. Those who never get the vaccine can live the longest...except..."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Kennedy looked over at Clinton for help.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Except," Clinton continued, "you won't have to worry about the ones who don't take the vaccine, because they'll probably die from the virus."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Because the virus...is....real."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Partly," Kennedy said.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Well," I said, shaking my head, "you can count me out. I won't be any part of this nonsense."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">"Too late," said Kennedy. "you're already in too far."</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Bill Clinton reached into a nearby cage that had been covered by a black sheet. He pulled his hand back out, holding a bat. "You're already in too deep," he said, releasing the bat, as it flew directly toward me and promptly bit me on the neck.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I staggered backwards a few steps. I clutched my neck and felt blood. It WAS too late.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And now you all know, the whole virus-industrial-complex, the whole Democratic party, everyone responsible for our health, safety, government, and commerce...they're all...</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">VAMPIRES!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">For more...you'll have to read up on Facebook.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peter Wick</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Occtober 14, 2021</span></p>Peter Wickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08105003197318202362noreply@blogger.com